Hearing Silence
by HaibaraDaiFan
Summary: Kudo Shinichi deals with the loss of a person he was never supposed to know.
1. Hearing Silence

_It's funny how we can 'hear' a sound that wasn't made._

_Because we're anticipating it._

_We've heard it so much._

_Sometimes, it's because we miss it._

_But in the end, when we didn't really hear it, we feel like fools and laugh at ourselves._

_All the while hoping to actually hear it momentarily._

The house was eerily quiet. Kudo Shinichi curled his hand into a fist. Between parted lips he drew in a deep breath, his chest expanding. After closing his eyes, he released it. He'd been continually trying to erase the images from his head. He'd read every Sherlock Holmes book, played the violin for hours, read over recent case files. Sometimes it would go away for a moment. But his mind would never let him fully engross himself in his distractions.

"Kudo-kun." The young detective's blue eyes widened slightly and he spun around. The light yet low voice of one Haibara Ai, no, Miyano Shiho rang through his ears. The breath that had caught in his throat exhaled with a bitter smile as his eyes landed on the empty sofa.

She wasn't here anymore. She would never be here again. The thought reared its ugly head again and Shinichi fought against himself not to punch a hole in the professor's wall.

Her face. The smile she gave him. The determination in her eyes.

That scene was the hardest to wipe away for him. His photographic memory was becoming his worst enemy more and more in every second that went by.

The blood. On her face. On her arms. Her hands. Her chest. Everywhere. It was everywhere.

That was the thing. Through that moment, where Gin had finally achieved his goal, her eyes never left him. She had used herself as the best bait anyone could ever dream of. It bought the FBI, CIA, and police the few moments extra they needed to finish their plan.

Shinichi was supposed to be that bait. He was until things were moving a bit too swiftly and his back up was running slow. In that moment, the clear voice of a woman he had at his side for so long cut through the air, stopping Gin in his tracks.

"Gin." Her voice. It echoed in his mind, causing a slight shudder to run through him. The man turned around and laughed. A laugh that Shinichi still wasn't sure if it was sincere or not. He accused her of being a whore. Called her a traitor. Asked why she would run off to someone like 'this detective fool'.

She didn't seem phased. The moment Shinichi recognized her complete lack of fear was the moment he realized that she intended to die. She had no fear because, just as she had been in that seat on the bus, she was resigned to death. She wasn't afraid of losing her life. Everyone would be safe.

How he hated it when she said things like that.

At the point in which Gin raised his gun to her, Shiho's eyes were trained on Shinichi. They softened the moment he made eye contact. The click of the hammer. Her lips turned into a smile.

And then Gin lunged at her. No one was really expecting that. Shinichi sure wasn't. Seems the police weren't either.

But then again, Shiho didn't even bat an eye. She expected it. Probably. He stabbed her. Who knows how he had gotten out a knife that quickly. But she doubled over, blood splattered everywhere. After Gin forcefully retrieved his weapon, her body jerked and her eyes were trained on Shinichi once again, a lopsided smile on her face.

Why did she have to do that?

One more time, her body jerked. Gin shot her. Moments later, he was shot down to the ground, and the place became hectic.

But Shinichi only saw one thing. Miyano Shiho fell slowly to her knees, and her eyes...

Her eyes went dull.

Void of life.

He saw the very moment that life left her.

"WHY?!" Shinichi yelled, violently shoving the sofa halfway across the room in anger. He struggled to calm himself as he heard the click of a light switch.

"Shinichi? What..." Professor Agasa stood in the hall, clearly tired. But Shinichi could tell that despite trying, the old man hadn't slept much at all recently. After a strained silence, Shinichi sighed.

"Sorry, Hakase. I'll put it back."

* * *

_Everything hurt. There was nothing that didn't. Not a single toe or finger or muscle. Everything was in pain._

_ The light was blinding. The smell something terrible. Hospital, probably. _

_ The voice was cold as it assaulted the injured's ears._

"Haibara Ai, or I should say, Miyano Shiho, we have some questions for you."

* * *

AN: Eh, I like making one-shots and short stories. If I get enough of a response to this I'll post a part two I've made. This story won't really ever be intricate or what not, but I think it's an interesting thing to explore.

And P.S., Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan.


	2. Dreams and Illusions

_Dreams are a frightful thing._

_You can call them illusions and dismiss them._

_But at the slightest hint of them being reality, reality and illusion become indistinguishable._

_At that point, it's a living nightmare._

"I'll ask you one more time, Miyano-san. What was your involvement with this syndicate?" Miynao Shiho looked down at her hand-cuffed wrist again. It was bruising. She frowned.

"You've asked me one more time five times." She stated in a matter-of-fact tone. She could hear her interrogator growl beneath their breath. It was one of three sentences she'd spoken in the last two hours. Part of her wished that these people had taken no effort to revive her.

To think that she helped these people.

She made a 'tch' sound and leaned back in her chair, eying the balding man sitting across from her. She had no idea how long it had been since that day, but her body still ached. Dully, but it was still there. Probably hadn't been too long, then, she thought to herself.

"There is no record of Haibara Ai. Then again, Haibara Ai was an eight year old just a month ago." _A month? Thanks for the information._ "So tell me how my agents claim that you, an eighteen year old, are a young girl by the name of Haibara Ai? And how can you deny your existence as a PhD-holding genius by the name of Miyano Shiho? It wasn't hard finding your information from America. We just need to know what side you're on, Miyano-san."

"Oh, please." She hissed, rolling her eyes. Teeth-grinding irritation filled her insides. She basically died in order for these people to take down the freaking organization and they don't know what side she's on?

"You have to understand that it's a tad unnerving having a genius scientist with vast amounts of criminal knowledge and associations set free on the world."

"If I'm a monster, you should've let me die." Shiho snarled, beginning to tap her fingers on the table to distract herself.

"Maybe we should have."

* * *

"It's still kind of hard to believe." Shinichi flinched as Ran breathed the words next to him. They were sitting in a cafe, watching the street through the giant glass panels. Her words were detached and distracted, her eyes revealing that she had mentally gone somewhere else.

"I know. I'm sorry." Shinichi muttered. He'd said those words a thousand times by now. Ran turned to him.

"You can stop apologizing. I'm coming to terms with it. I just can't believe that you were Conan. I mean, I can. I did... I mean I do." After her awkward ramble, Ran turned her attention back to the masses of people walking past. They sat in silence for awhile, Ran sipping her drink and Shinichi pushing the straw to see it just fall back into place. "So... you can stop being so depressed." Ran uttered softly.

Yes, he was depressed. Or something like that. Yes, he felt guilty about lying to his love for so long. Yes, they had yelled at each other, misunderstood each other, and were slow at the whole forgiveness thing. This whole week they had been making amends and becoming who they once were.

But that wasn't why his heart was so heavy. It was the last part of the story that Ran would never know. About the truth behind Haibara Ai's "return to her family abroad".

"Thanks." He responded, sneaking a glance over at the girl he had focused his life on for the entirety of his predicament as a child. He swallowed. It was hard living like the organization never existed. It was even harder because... someone who was there to fight with him left just the same as she came.

"So are you going to tell the kids the truth? They really liked you. I don't know what Ayumi-chan and Ai-chan are going to do when they realize their crush was way too old for them, though." Ran's attempt to lighten the mood only made Shinichi feel worse. 'Ai-chan' didn't exist. Even worse, her real identity no longer lived in this world, either.

"Sometimes... it's better to let things alone." Shinichi sighed. Ran's lips were turned downward. She was really trying. He knew that. But it wasn't something that would go away that easily. He stood up. "I have to go now, Ran. See you later." He didn't bother pausing, or turning to see her face. He didn't even hear her defeated 'bye' as he reached the cafe door.

"Ah! **Cool Kid**! Or **Guy**, I guess." Shinichi stared at the usually-happy FBI agent in front of him. She was looking him over again, just as she had the last few times she had seen him back in his normal condition. Her smile was a bit forced now, her eyes betraying that she was not in the mood to be the clumsy foreign English teacher. After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "Can we talk?"

Shinichi nodded slightly and they began to walk down the street. "About that girl..." Usually Jodie had a sense of awe and curiosity when it came to her suspicion on the Haibara = Sherry AKA the girl in the picture issue. But it seemed a bit off as she began, the words "that girl" turning cold. "She was really the person in the picture. However, although she was being hunted down by Vermouth, she was also on their side."

Shinichi clenched his teeth, stopping in middle of their walk. Jodie stopped, too, waiting for his response without turning to him.

"She wasn't on their side, Jodie-sensei." Ah, the habit of calling her that died hard. Jodie sighed softly. She knew this conversation wasn't going to be easy. "She distracted Gin so _you_ had the chance to take down the rest of the group the way we planned. She died because _you_ weren't prepared. So don't go around trying to soil her name." Jodie felt a slight pang of guilt from the hurt words flying at her from behind. She swallowed.

"You knew." The silence prompted her to turn, giving her back the courage necessary to go through with her intentions. He was looking at the ground now. "The name you think I'm trying to soil... what is it? I have no qualms with a seven year old girl." He raised his blue eyes to meet hers. The gaze that she had realized long ago was too mature for a child pierced through her uncomfortably.

"Haibara Ai was an alias of a person you happily let die. Sherry might have been a traitor, Jodie-san. But Miyano Shiho was not." He gave a curt nod and swiftly left her by herself on the sidewalk. Jodie sighed deeply. This was not going to end easily.

* * *

I so don't own Detective Conan, just an FYI.

Thanks for the awesome reviews! You're the reason this is out :) P.S. **Bold** is English in my Fanfics.

**Guest** – I know, I couldn't handle her death, either ;( -says person who just wrote it..- I'm super happy that you read my blog! I'll be updating every now and then. And the whole Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler thing is still such a confusing puzzle for me when it comes to Detective Conan .

**Haibara Ai z** – LOL! Thank you :)

**C. Snowflakes** – Thank you, thank you! Ah, we'll get to that in good time ;)

**Xx-Ice-kun-xX** – Thank you so much! Here it is :)


	3. Trust Me

_Trust is a strange thing._

_It's almost subconscious in how it's given._

_Sometimes you want to give it, but something keeps you from it on the inside._

_And other times, you swear you won't give it, and you just gave it away._

_Just to watch it be broken._

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that I'm not a threat to international security?" Shiho asked, watching the stiff officer of some sort standing next to her. His eyes slid over to acknowledge her words, then went right back to staring into nowhere. This was the third time those who had her in their custody allowed her outside. They said it was to see if she could be trusted. Apparently dying for people wasn't an obvious sign of loyalty anymore.

A cap hid her face from the casual observer's view, her reddish brown stuffed into it. According to them (she wasn't entirely sure if it was the FBI, CIA, Japanese police, or secret police for that matter), her odd-colored hair was a dead give away to anyone who might know her. She remarked that anyone who knew her had been murdered by those forcing her to hide her identity, which delayed her enjoying the sunlight for another day.

Shiho sat down at a nearby table from the outdoor cafe and watched as the dark-haired man sat across from her. She could tell he wasn't entirely Japanese, not that she was either, but it wasn't helping her half-witted deduction as to who her captors were. A waitress nervously placed a cup of coffee down in front of her and the man with her, clearly concerned by their shady appearance. Shiho picked up her cup and sipped from it, enjoying the warmth spreading through her. The pain from that day was gone except for sporadic times of sudden and incapacitating pain. The doctor hadn't offered much helpful insight as to why that occurred, but insisted that it wasn't anything that should be permanent.

"You know... this isn't much different from being a part of the organization." She watched with a bit of amusement as the man set his jaw and stared her down. "Confining me to dark places, constant interrogation, only allowing me out with someone to keep me captive. Yep, sounds about right. What are you going to do next? Force me to create something for "the good of humanity"? I do have rights, you know."

"Rights? As in citizen rights? Because you don't seem to be a citizen of the United States or Japan. Anywhere you'd like to point us?" Ah, he speaks. After a terse moment of silence, the man sighed. "I get it. If we could trust that you weren't going to go terrorize the world and cripple the greatest group of intelligence agencies by regrouping a terrorist organization, then you'd be free to do whatever." Shiho stared at him blankly.

"So my word's not good enough? What about my actions? I've done nothing to harm you. I helped you bring down the people who killed my-" Her mouth immediately closed and she looked away. The young man leaned forward, intrigued by the information that his group was so hungry for.

"Killed who?" Shiho let out a hefty sigh.

"Let's go, prison guard. I'm having thoughts about world domination."

* * *

"Shinichi-nii-chan, you should join us!" Shinichi snapped out of his daze and looked over at the group of kids inside the professor's house. They were playing another new game that the professor created. He was actually getting pretty good at those things. He smiled half-heartedly and shook his head.

"No, thanks. I have some work to do..." Mitsuhiko sighed and Genta whined. Ayumi was curiously silent. Probably doing the same thing he was. Brooding on the loss of an important person.

"Aww, okay." Genta muttered and the kids went back to playing. Shinichi could swear they would glance over at him every few minutes, and it was beginning to make him paranoid. Although, honestly, he couldn't care less if they found out his other identity at this point. What would it matter? They were hurt already. The most they could do is make up stupid guesses with no way to prove them. His brows furrowed as he stared down his laptop.

Another e-mail from Jodie-san. Again, she was inquiring (in code) about Miyano Shiho and what her specific involvement with the organization was. Why did it matter so much now? Why were they so concerned with bringing up bad things about a dead person?

The only reason they could be worried about her crimes were if they could... prosecute her.

Her eyes. Her cold, dead eyes. They flashed in his mind. He remembered vividly how he had stood still in shock and disbelief. In terror. He remembered the moment he broke from his frozen state and began running toward her, yelling her name. How his voice cracked. How his throat hurt. How he was pushing back tears. The distance between them seemed to get longer and longer no matter how fast he ran.

Then he was there, by her side. He panted, trying to catch his breath. Trying to control himself. His fear.

Her skin was so cold already. It made him shudder when his fingertips touched her arm.

He remembered how it made a new wave of anger and despair wash over him. Diligently, he searched for a pulse from her neck. Then, to make sure, from her wrist. Nothing.

His voice sounded so far away as he started screaming. _"HAIBARA!"_ He probably said her name at least fifteen times before one of the agents reached over and pried him away, shaking their head solemnly. He had fought for a moment before Hattori showed up, firmly grasping Shinichi's arms until he stopped struggling and followed Hattori to one of the police cars, defeated.

He saw it all. She couldn't be alive. She was dead. With his own two eyes. Oh, his memory would never let him forget what he'd witnessed.

So why the heck would Jodie-san put him through this? Shinichi firmly slammed the laptop closed and stood up. It was time for her to give him some answers.

* * *

"I think I should talk to her, James." James Black leaned back in his chair, frowning. Jodie Starling stood before him, face set in determination. "I don't think she's the threat you seem to think she is." Her voice lowered slightly with her last sentence. The older man sighed.

"You know I respect and care for you, Jodie. But I don't think it's a good idea for you to talk with her. She might manipulate you."

"Do I have to continue pretending that she's dead? It's killing those who cared for her. I don't think I can keep doing this."

"There's no one who cared for her, Jodie." The cynical words felt like a slap in the face.

"...What?" James folded his hands together and leaned forward, sending a chilling stare towards his subordinate. After a moment he smirked, redirecting his gaze to the pile of papers on his desk.

"Nothing you should be too concerned about. Either way, she has no family from the looks of it and her friends all believed she was someone else."

"There..." Jodie fell silent, suddenly unsure if she had the right to share that Kudo Shinichi knew about her real identity. Seeing her uncertainty, James sighed again.

"If you must, you can speak with her. But do not let it get personal, Jodie." Jodie nodded and quickly left the room. She had never felt so unsettled by her superior before. Her pace picked up as she made her way down the hallway. She would find her answers, even if it killed her.

* * *

_"Gin." Her heart dropped the moment he turned around. She swallowed, drowning out the fear that danced about inside her. His attention was on her. Good._

_ The laugh. His face pulled into an unnatural, maniac grin as he laughed at her. She'd never seen his face do that before. It nearly terrified her._

_ "Sherry, my traitor. Have you finished being a whore? Have you come back to me? Too late, though, isn't it." His tobacco-stained teeth shone as he lifted his gun at her. But she knew him. She knew Gin like the back of her hand and the way he held his weapon so loosely gave it away to her immediately. That wasn't his plan of attack._

Miyano Shiho pressed her eyes shut, trying to push away the memories that flooded through her mind every moment of the day. The small room she sat in was akin to a prison cell, but with a separated bathroom and more dignity. Some part of her wished that she had just died like she was supposed to. Why would they work to revive her just to keep her imprisoned?

The fear on Kudo-kun's face flashed through her mind. She hadn't seen him scared like that since Mouri-san was in danger. Although she was anticipating her death, she smiled. She was finally going to pay back her dues. Save him. Save them all. They'd be safe now.

The pain from Gin's attack was fresh inside her even now, probably a month or two later from what she could gather. But she wouldn't let herself be taken in by Gin's merciless grip of fear and obsession. She kept steady eye contact with Kudo-kun until the blast of a gunshot rang through her ears and everything became dark. All that she could remember from that moment was Kudo-kun's terrified face.

And mixed with his terror, anger.

An anger that could only remind her of the one who put her in this place.

A knock on the door startled her slightly, but she didn't respond to whoever it was on the other side. This was customary for her, so after a few more knocks, an all-too-familiar voice called to her.

"Miyano-san? I'm coming in."

* * *

Detective Conan is not owned by me.

I think my plot is 99% see-through, but I'm having fun nonetheless. Allow me to wave at all my silent favoriters and followers :)

**Crystal Snowflakes - **Thank you! I hope you like this chapter :D

**Haibara Ai z -** Buwahahaha I'm stirring up some trouble...

**Runa** - Sorry for the confusion! She technically died (because her heart stopped) and that's what Shinichi saw. What he is unaware of is that she was taken to a hospital and they were able to revive her. Right now she's in the custody of some form of law enforcement. That help?


	4. Losing You

_Unexpected loss is one of the most difficult things to endure._

_You aren't prepared to say goodbye._

_Most times, you didn't get a chance to._

_In spite of everyone's advice, it's hard to let go._

_And even harder not to imagine all the things you could've said._

Kudo Shinichi's involvement in taking down a large crime syndicate was hardly something the news was going to allow to go unannounced. People voiced their opinions on how the yakuza could be taken out next and the world be made a safer place. Others doubted his involvement, saying he probably piggybacked off of the police to help his popularity after disappearing for so long.

Regardless, Kudo Shinichi was receiving rather dirty looks as he walked down the street, the night still well alive for many of Japan's people. One gentleman in particular reached threateningly at his hip, implying a weapon that he intended to use should the need arise.

But Kudo Shinichi didn't really care. He kept walking, ignoring the many people breaking the law and doing questionable things. A distant part of him mused about joining them in their mess, but he had no time to waste thinking about things he didn't agree with. He was just walking for now. He'd been walking since early in the afternoon, finally fed up with his surroundings. With himself.

_"Shinichi, you should come to Sonoko's party! It'll be really fun.." Shinichi grunted in response, not looking forward to this conversation. Sonoko throws a lot of parties. He'd been invited to four now, just since the take down of the Organization. It'd only been two months since that day. He winced as a faint vision of Haibara's face came to mind. He was completely oblivious to the mood stirring up inside his childhood friend._

_ "I think you should lighten up a bit, Shinichi." Her words seemed to carry good intention, but her tone flattened slightly in delivery, causing her irritation to show. He ignored it, just like he'd been ignoring everything. He had tried to pretend he was his seventeen year old self who was an arrogant fool with zero tact and little understanding of the world. But he was eighteen year old Shinichi, who had long been called Conan. He'd matured in months what would've taken years. Mostly thanks to a girl with reddish brown hair and aquamarine eyes. A girl who never felt comfortable sharing her feelings, only sometimes her thoughts. _

_ "What if I had tried harder... to understand her. If I ignored her demand for privacy and seclusion? If I hadn't tried to keep my life as normal as I could until I could return to it?" He asked these questions aloud, quietly. Ran frowned in confusion._

_ "Who, Sonoko? She's about as secluded and private as a bright neon sign with a screeching bullhorn." After a blank stare from Shinichi, she added, "Don't you dare tell her I said that." The stare continued. _

_ "Just go, Ran. I'm not going to any stupid parties. I have better things to do." _

_ "Stupid parties. Better things to do. Hmm." Shinichi flinched, hearing her words dripping with anger. "Like what, Shinichi? Mope around your house, then spread your misery to Agasa-san? Ignore the whole world and whine about how no one understands? Maybe the problem is you. Maybe _you_ won't let anyone try to understand. I've been forgiving. I've given you space because you seemed upset. I've tried being there for you but you won't tell me anything. I've tried cheering you up and dragging you to events so you wouldn't be neck-deep in depression. But you know what? I guess I just don't understand. So I'm going to go to a stupid party wearing a stupid red dress to talk with some stupid people who were interested in hiring you on as a consulting detective. You enjoy your life here, which is _so_ much better."_

_ Before his slow response could leave his lips, Ran whipped around and slammed the door behind her as she left. _

That argument laid on a new layer of problems for the young detective. So he went for a walk. At first, he walked to Agasa's house. But that turned out to be worse.

_Shinichi called a tired greeting as he entered the professor's house, ditching his shoes and putting on the slippers he was beginning to become way too used to. "What are you having for din-" His words stopped mid-sentence as he saw a large box in the living room. Haibara Ai's clothes were spread about, and the professor was folding one of her favorite shirts. With a grim expression on his face, Agasa placed it in the box. He repeated this action with a few shirts before Shinichi regained his ability to speak again._

_ "What are you doing?" The emotions he had been suppressing came flooding over him, each piece of clothing recalling a memory of the person who wore them. She wore that one when the kids wanted to play in a particularly dirty place for most of the day. And that dress right there seemed to be her go-to one on Saturdays. She got an ice cream stain on the knee of those pants, but from here it looked as though she managed to finally get it out. _

_ And in that shirt, she smiled at me._

_ "Shinichi..." Agasa said softly, placing down the turtleneck that he had just picked up._

_ And in that, she first introduced herself. In that, she first showed her true emotions._

_ "I asked you, what are you doing?" The older man sighed softly, clearly unsure of how to proceed. Tears danced in his eyes, but Shinichi didn't care. He couldn't see the hurt on his old friend's face, couldn't comprehend it. Because his so-called friend was getting rid of everything that spoke of a girl who was never supposed to exist. A girl who no one was supposed to know about. To care about. He, of all people, was definitely not supposed to meet her. But he did. _

_ She had existed. He knew her. He... he cared about her. He met her. He saw her cry. Saw her laugh. Saw her smirk, frown, giggle, and even pout. No one was going to get rid of that. _

_ "Shinichi... I can't keep her things forever. She's... she's gone now." The older man's voice sounded strangled. _

_ "You. Can't. You can't just forget all about her! You can't just _erase _her!" Shinichi yelled. He lunged forward and grabbed the box. He then flung it, watching her possessions fly through the air and the box smash against the wall. Realization for his actions came delayed. It was during that delay that Agasa Hiroshi expressed anger._

_ "That's enough, Shinichi! Ai-kun was like a daughter to me! You know that. How dare you come in to _my_ house and accuse me of forgetting one of the most important people I've ever had in my life? How dare you come in and throw my resolve to respect the fact that she is gone all over _my_ living room and damage _my_ wall? Get out." Shinichi swallowed, guilt hitting him like a brick wall. He took a step backward. "I mean it, Shinichi. Get out of my house." _

After that, Shinichi found himself wandering the streets. He didn't feel hungry, or tired. He didn't even feel like he existed in the here and now. His mind was trying to hold on to every memory of Haibara Ai that it could. He began to form an irrational fear that he would somehow forget her existence.

His brisk pace brought him to one of the many docks, which brought to his remembrance the time Haibara had first faced her fears directly, ignoring his attempts to keep her away and safe. At the edge of the platform, he looked across the water, hearing the calm lapping noise it made.

There, he decided, he would tell her.

"MIYANO SHIHO!" The sound echoed across the water, bouncing off of the few nearby buildings. Shinichi took another deep breath. "I MISS YOU! I CARED ABOUT YOU! WE ALL CARED ABOUT YOU! WHY... Why did you have to leave? Why did you leave me here alone?" His voice lowered from its previous shout. His last sentence was almost a whisper as he stared out at the scene before him. He would not forget her.

* * *

James Black coughed violently into his handkerchief. He folded it over as he cleared his throat, hiding the blood that he just deposited. He hadn't been this stressed since he took over the main operations in Japan. He just needed a breath of fresh air, something to calm his mind.

That's when he heard a familiar name reach his ear as a far-away shout. "Miyano Shiho!" He stopped in his tracks and looked around, trying to spot the owner of a person who knew such a name. As he began to pick up his pace to find the owner of the voice, it came again. "I miss you! I cared about you!"

James chuckled to himself as the young detective came into view. "Kudo Shinichi... how perfect." He muttered to himself. James then turned on his heel and began to make large strides back to his office. That walk helped him more than he could've imagined.

* * *

Miyano Shiho stared at the blond-haired agent sitting across from her. Neither had spoken. Shiho could feel the anger and betrayal that surely her old employers had felt against her. One minute, this woman was on their side. And the next, she sat in front of her, representing the people who accused her.

"So it's the FBI. Nice to know." Shiho finally started, her words quick and snappy. She wasn't about to make some sort of cutesy bond with this woman so the FBI could manipulate her. Jodie frowned.

"You're not helping your case any, Miyano-san." Jodie responded. She couldn't help but think about what **Cool Guy** would do to her if he knew that she was sitting in front of the girl he was so distraught over.

"Good for me." Shiho smirked at the exasperated look on Jodie's face. She would not help her. It was her and the FBI's fault that everything went downhill. The reason that Gin ever was able to make good on the threats he had promised her when she was younger. The reason that Kudo-kun's face twisted in horror like that. In anger. The reason that she'd ever think of Gin and Shinichi in remotely the same thought.

Jodie leaned forward, her voice lowering. James told her not to be like this. But something was wrong. What was occurring was unlawful. Despite James' explanations and concerns, Kudo Shinichi was right. Jodie knew that people didn't give their lives for people they were disloyal to.

"Look, Miyano-san. I don't know if you need to give some false information or something to appease my superiors, but do _something_ to get out of here."

"Isn't that against your interest?" Shiho remarked, her expression bored and her tone of voice flat.

"It is. But you need to find a way to contact **Cool Guy**. He's not handling your 'death' well." Shiho flinched.

"What? You didn't say I was being held for investigation or something? He thinks I'm dead?" Jodie nodded gravely, eyes flitting around the room, checking for imaginary people who might be listening in or watching. Which wasn't exactly as paranoid as it looked, considering they _were_ the FBI. Shiho's face displayed her momentary deep concentration before she opened her mouth again.

"Good. It's not like they'll ever let me go back to having a normal life. It's better he thinks I'm dead. So you can go now, Starling-san." Jodie shook her head.

"I'm trying to tell you that if you can alert him the-"

"You can _leave_ now, Starling-san." Shiho hissed, cutting the woman off. She took a breath and lowered her voice slightly. "Before I make a scene." Reluctantly, Jodie stood and went to the door. Before opening it, she turned one last time.

"There are people who care about you, Miyano-san." After the door clicked shut behind the agent, Shiho curled up into a ball.

"It'd be best if they didn't."

* * *

I don't own Detective Conan.

And there is someone out there rudely reading other friends' fics and reviewing, and totally ignoring me. You know who you are. -stare- -cough-they'renotreadingthis-cough-

Thank you to my many readers and reviewers! You all are so awesome! :D

**Haibara Ai z** – Glad you enjoyed it :D

**Crystal Snowflakes** – I'm thinking I might be glad that I did, too :D

**Darkoceansky** – Thank you so much! I'm very happy to be able to hear from you! Thanks for reading my blog, too XD True enough, I don't think Watson suits her too much. But it is Detective Conan, and I was hoping maybe she could cross both lines and just not be murdered o.o I hope I get to hear from you again!

**Guest** – Thank you!

**Runa** – No problem :) It was mean :( And sorry, their conversation is a tad anticlimactic...

I'm starting a new job, so I'll try to finish this fic for you all, but no promises. Reviews definitely help keep me motivated, though! ;)


	5. Return to Normalcy

_Returning to normalcy is usually the first goal of someone whose life has been in upheaval._

_We yearn for it, hope for it, strive for it..._

_And should we ever reach it again, we don't know what it is any longer._

_Sometimes, if we returned to what used to be normal..._

_We'd live in a dark place we never wanted to find ourselves in again._

It was nice. For the lack of a better word, definitely nice. Ran smiled to herself as Shinichi babbled on and on about some Sherlock Holmes thing. She'd tuned him out after the first fifteen minutes of enjoying his old subject. It was quickly becoming just as annoying as it used to be. And although that was, indeed, annoying, it was nice. It felt like Shinichi was finally back. They were finally okay.

Maybe a week after their fight, he had suddenly started to turn around. He stopped moping about at Agasa-san's house, stopped trying to block her out, and actually offered to go places. It was nice to know that once she spoke up, Shinichi would hear her.

"You're not hearing a word I'm saying." Ran blinked and then grinned sheepishly.

"I can _hear_ you just fine, Shinichi..." She covered, a faint blush coming to her cheeks. Shinichi smirked.

"But you have no idea what I said." He felt his own cheeks warm slightly as she put a slender finger to her chin in mock-thinking. Ran then hummed lightly, her light blue eyes staring up at the sky.

"Let me think... Holmes-something, detective-something, more Holmes-something or another, and... Watson!" Shinichi's smirk turned into a smile. Ran seemed rather proud of herself for being able to recall another name from his constant rants. She grinned at him expectantly until she noticed his smile fade and his expression grow serious. Her own face fell, worried that perhaps he was actually mad at her for not actively listening.

"Ran... I want to tell you something." He looked away for a moment, and when his gaze returned he looked both hurt and nervous. That didn't look too good on Ran's end.

"Wha-What is it?" She stuttered.

"About the whole Conan thing. There's still something you don't know." Ran swallowed thickly. It had been a few months, but it was still a sore subject for her. She took a deep breath and looked past her childhood friend's head and into the park behind him.

"Is it really that important, Shinichi?" He flinched slightly, hearing the silent message in her words. He knew she didn't want to hear anything that might damage what they had finally regained. How they had finally returned to normal. But for him, it wouldn't be normal having a heavy weight on him that he couldn't reveal to her even after everything. She might be angry now, but she'd probably be more hurt if he waited longer to let her know all.

"Let's sit down for a minute." His voice was low and he gently grasped her wrist and led her over to a park bench. Ran didn't even feel the butterflies she normally would have with Shinichi's contact. Right now she was telling herself that it wouldn't be too bad. That whatever secret he had still left untold couldn't be that significant. _Oh but it is. He said so himself. Did he kill someone? _Ran violently shook her head, trying to rid herself of silly thoughts.

"Just listen to me for a minute, and I'll accept what you have to say. Okay?" That line was a little too familiar for her. She nodded anyway. Just like she had that night when a distraught Shinichi with blood and dirt all over his clothes and face walked into her living room. His hair was far from it's usual state, his eyes so sad it made her feel depressed instantly. She was happy to see him, but not like that. She was happy to hear his voice, but not under those circumstances.

And when they had sat down, he spilled it all. It was like he was just barfing out a bunch of words so fast and with emotion so raw, it was hard for Ran to keep up. She was angry, hurt, and felt somewhat belittled. But his broken state made it hard to be initially angry. She still sent him away without a word.

"So in that organization, there was a scientist." His words broke through her memory and she snapped back to their conversation. She watched as Shinichi paused, his eyes distant. "She was born into the organization through her parents who were also scientists. She had an older sister who was a part of it, too, but the organization had little use for her and she led a fairly normal life. The two girls' parents died when they were both still children. All they had was each other. The scientist daughter was forced to make a drug. This drug was supposed to kill someone without being able to be traced. But it had a rarely-occurring side effect." Ran clenched her teeth.

"That apotoxin drug that shrunk you." She whispered softly. Shinichi nodded.

"However, the scientist hadn't authorized it for use, but the organization began to use the prototype to kill people anyway. In the mean time, her older sister tried to get her out of the organization by committing one final crime. But the organization double-crossed her and killed her." Shinichi's face was dark now. "Hirota Masami, from the billion yen case." Ran's frown deepened as she took a moment to recall the particular case. She had found then-Conan standing over a dead woman, an image she'd rather forget. She nodded in response slowly.

"So that scientist refused to continue to work for the organization, although they'd surely kill her. Once they had stopped trying to convince her and locked her up to await questioning, she tried to kill herself by taking the drug she created." Ran's brain was slowly spinning, her stomach turning with increasing suspicion that she already knew this 'scientist'.

"But it didn't kill her. It did what it did to you, right?" Ran asked slowly, her words shaky. Shinichi nodded.

"She was able to escape. Since I was the only case that was an unconfirmed death, and she had noted that all of my children's clothes were missing, she concluded that I was in the same state and came to my house. Really, she saved me from the beginning, before her attempted suicide and subsequent escape. She put my death as "confirmed" in their system even after noticing my missing children's clothes. She could've tried finding me before. She could've told those people to look for a child, or that I might not be dead. But she didn't."

His words hit Ran in the heart. He was recalling this evil scientist as if she was his life saver when she was the one to put him there. In his silence after recalling how she had shown some mercy before becoming small, Ran became inpatient.

"And? She came to your house?" Shinichi took in a deep breath to finish.

"She collapsed in front of my house. Agasa-hakase found her there and took her inside... from there the rest of the details aren't too important. I was skeptical of her at first, of course, but I could tell she wasn't going to betray us. She came up with the antidote so we could be back in our normal bodies again." Ran was shaking now, her brain screaming the only possible answer as to the identity of this person who had brought such misfortune into their lives.

"Her name... as you knew her... was Haibara Ai." Shinichi found it difficult to pronounce her name – difficult to form it in his mouth. He'd tried to move on and let it rest ever since that night on the docks, but her name still hurt him on the inside. It still carried images with it that he'd rather forget.

"And you let her near the kids? In our house? You let her trick me and everyone else?" Ran's voice was rising, incredulous. How could he speak of her so fondly? Who cared if she was born into it, she still committed the crime!

"I felt like I had to tell you because... she died. She died when we took that organization down. She died distracting the bad guy – Gin – so that the FBI and other law enforcement groups could have my back." Ran swallowed her anger, seeing the grief overcome her friend. She felt a pang of guilt and sorrow herself, remembering how the little girl had greeted her officially and kindly on that beach. How she begged her to stay when her and her dad could've been in danger if they left.

"I'm... sorry." Ran uttered softly, looking down at her hands. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the information he had shared, but she now understood what had bothered him so much. He was grieving. Alone. She only wished he would've told her when he was so gloomy. Maybe she wouldn't have yelled at him like that. Maybe she could've consoled him.

"Thank you for listening. Come on, let's go get some ice cream." He gave her a lopsided smile, instantly masking his pain away. Ran took that as a signal that he didn't want to continue the subject and smiled back. Both of them stood and began to walk down the middle path of the park.

"Oh, if we take this path there's a great little ice cream stand on that street." Ran pointed to her left, only to look back and find Shinichi staring dead ahead. His face had drained of color and his eyes were wide. His mouth was slightly open, as if he couldn't believe what he was beholding. As if he had seen a ghost.

* * *

She had been walking for probably forty minutes now. She was wandering aimlessly for the most part, but when she recognized places that the detective boys often visited, she'd head the other direction. She didn't know what to do or how to proceed.

On the up side, the FBI had let her free to go. The downside was the conditions on which her 'freedom' was granted.

_The alarms were screeching through the building, a painful ringing pulsing through Shiho's head. But she knew why they sounded. She knew the others in the building were safe._

_ She was sitting across from a man by the name of James Black. The light was dimmer than usual and what little could reflected off of the white of his eyes. Then off his teeth as he gave her an unnerving grin. _

_ "So you're the elusive Sherry." He said. He chuckled as fear coursed through her veins. It was as if his laughter was unmasking the scent of the organization, one that had often caused her an immeasurable amount of fear. _

_ And hatred._

_ Her stone-cold expression made the man chuckle a little longer before he cleared his throat and leaned forward across the table. "You are the only one who can help me." He whispered, another maniacal grin coming to his face. Shiho scowled._

_ "Anokata." She spat, realization dawning on her. They had captured or killed everyone they could find, and though Shiho had never known Anokata's identity, she had been fairly certain he was not among the people included in the well-planned trap._

_ "Oh, right, right. I know there's a rule about a house divided cannot stand, so why be FBI and the head of a crime syndicate?" He reached out and patted her head. She immediately swung at him, but her arm was abruptly halted mid-air with one of his large hands wrapping around her wrist. Shiho clenched her teeth as she felt his grip tighten. She wouldn't be surprised if he broke it for his own amusement. She struggled against the hand cuff that held her other wrist to the metal table they spoke at._

_ "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should know better than that." And there it was. The piercing pain of a fracture. Shiho inhaled sharply, determined not to cry out in front of this piece of trash. James' hand released her wrist, which fell limply to the table. He smirked. "I'm the reason you're alive, Sherry. Only I knew about the … _special _qualities your body possesses. After all, I am the one who instituted it." _

_ "I don't owe you anything. I'm not helping you. The minute your agents find us I'm telling them all about you." She was all-too-aware that she had just spoken her death wish. But instead of anger, or even twisted amusement, the man sighed._

_ "Can we get this part over with where you resist and swear you'll never give in until you finally _crack_?" He cast a meaningful glance at her wrist, which was turned in an unnatural way. "You just need to give me the little magic pill you took to reverse apotoxin and I'll be on my way." _

_ Shiho's mother's voice echoed through her head. Apotoxin 4869 was supposed to be the silver bullet. It made her heart heavy to find that she was making the antidote to what her parents put their hopes and dreams into. She made their dying efforts obsolete. Sitting across from James Black in this situation made her regret her work for Kudo-kun and herself._

_ "It looks like you're out of luck, Black-san. I don't have it." _

_ "Of course you don't. If you did, I would've found it before you ever became conscious. And then you wouldn't be here. So, where have you hidden it?" It was Shiho's turn to grin. _

_ "The 'magic pill' as you call it no longer exists. Isn't that too bad?" She could see the anger rise, his face twisting to a scowl. He then pushed back, rose from his chair, and walked around the table to her side. Sometimes her mouth forgot she was completely defenseless._

_ James ripped the chair from under her, then pulled her around to face him by her shoulder. Her chained arm twisted uncomfortably. He then pressed her down against the table, his face inches from hers. She could see the darkness hidden in his soul through his light-colored eyes. _

_ "I could do anything I wanted to do to you right now. Understand?" He used one of his hands to keep her pressed down and another to brush her hair away from her cheek. _

_ Shiho felt herself relapsing into her familiar pattern. She'd been in this place too many times to count before. But it had been with Gin. His anger would overtake him and he'd do things like this. She began slowly shutting down. The less she could feel now and remember later the better. A stinging sensation spread through her face as the hand that had rested on her cheek slapped it. _

_ "Don't ignore me." James' voice was low and menacing. James released her after reading her body language. "That doesn't get the message through, does it? It's too bad, really. I didn't want to have to pull this card." Shiho flinched, brought back into full awareness by the sudden retreat of her attacker. _

_ "Whatever you do, Black-san, there is still no pill. Nothing to save you." He circled back around to his side of the table, combing his hair with his fingers. After returning to a semi normal appearance, he folded his hands neatly and looked calmly at his beaten captive. _

_ "Kudo Shinichi." Amusement danced in his eyes at her reaction. Her aquamarine eyes widened slightly and she swallowed quickly. To his amazement, her voice was steady when she next spoke._

_ "Who?" _

_ "Kudo Shinichi, the detective who bailed you out. You wouldn't want anything to happen to him, would you?" Shiho curled her cuffed hand into a fist._

_ "I don't really know him that well. Things happen to everyone." She said, her tone flat. On the inside, she felt a heavy weight of dread and fear settle upon her._

_ "Really. Well I wonder why he was yelling your given name at the top of his lungs and saying he missed you? Would it please you to hear that he called you Miyano Shiho?" Shiho swallowed, slowly sinking to her knees. Her mind began to spin, trying to find a way out of the situation._

_ "I doubt the detective of the east would be so easily harmed." She said softly, remembering with distant fondness the hope she had put in the young detective. James smirked._

_ "You have six months to make a new antidote, or Kudo Shinichi will lose his childhood friend to a terrible murder and then his own life in an 'accident'. Just like your parents." He paused, observing the anger flaring up in the eyes of the scientist. "If there's any word of me being in any sense a traitor, I will make certain that Kudo Shinichi will be brought to his end."_

_ Shiho couldn't manage an answer, and the blaring of the alarm cut off suddenly. James stood and strolled over to the door calmly. "I look forward to your work, Sherry."_

It was by the time she had finished mentally reliving the moment that led to her wandering about that she heard a familiar voice.

"Miyano Shiho!"

* * *

Alright! I got this out for you all :) Hopefully you enjoy it as much as you seemed to like the last one.

**Haibara Ai z- **Thank you! I really got into that part XD'' I just don't feel like Shinichi would handle everything so smoothly, especially because Haibara has very few people who could mourn her death (since only two really knew about it).

**Crystal Snowflakes - **Thanks! Hope you enjoyed this one, since some crazy just came to light. :)

**Guest - **Thanks for the encouragement!

**Darkoceansky - **It's great to hear from you again! And I tried to make Shinichi a little less melancholy... but I guess it doesn't help that when I wrote that piece my grandpa had just died.. and it just doesn't seem easy to get over people you knew let alone were super close to. And yeah, I'm really enjoying Haibara opening up more in the manga. In this particular part of the story, I don't think she gets much of a chance to be happy...

**Kudou Aichi - **Although I already answered you via pm, of course :)) And thank you for reviewing, I hope to hear from you again!

**Runa - **XDD I have to admit, I do, too ;) And... wala! And thank you!

**Marutaro - **It's so true! I think that deep down he feels just as responsible for her as she feels responsible for him - considering the drug she was creating was used on him and all. I hope they remain IC at least within reason considering the circumstances XD Thank you!

If you're reading this, I just wanted to wave to **XxIce-kunxX** since you had reviewed earlier and I haven't heard from you again. And another big wave to all the silent followers and story update list thing peoples! If you have any thoughts, just review and let me know.

Ya'll are awesome :)


	6. The Right Thing

_Doing the right thing is hard._

_Oftentimes, we're not sure what the right thing is._

_Should we save them the disappointment of being hopeful just to hurt them?_

_Or should we try to be close until the very end?_

_The thing is, we seldom can find the 'right' thing to do._

_Especially when it is with things the other person can absolutely not know about._

"...Haibara?" Shinichi uttered. Maybe he _had_ seen a ghost. Ran's head whipped around to see what he was staring at. There was a girl with Ai-chan's same hair color and cut, her same eye-color and facial features. She wasn't sure about height and all considering the last time she had seen Ai-chan, she was a child. The girl was staring at the ground as she slowly walked along, her demeanor none-too-happy. She looked hollow, mirroring the feeling that Ran had gotten from Shinichi. One arm hung limply at her side as if it were useless and the other swung very slightly with her steps.

"Miyano Shiho!" Shinichi called, louder, stepping forward slightly. The girl froze and slowly looked up. _Oh God, it is her._ Her eyes widened and then without a greeting back, she spun on her heel and began to run the other way. Shinichi tore after her, leaving Ran behind. _Just like always._

Shinichi's heart was pounding in his ears. His brain began to replay that terrible day, trying to tell him all the reasons why this couldn't really be her. _But it is._ He hissed to himself as he began gaining on her.

"You have the wrong person!" The girl called back, her voice frightened. It was Haibara's voice. But he stopped, his heart torn. She sounded genuinely scared. Like she hated him. She was here. Alive. He could see her, touch her if he just reached out. But she hated him. She was running away from him in fear. Another part of him was concerned that he was really yelling at some random girl that he decided looked like his deceased partner. _But her voice._

_ "Gin." The man's broad back turned to him. His frame shaking with dark laughter. Shinichi's own heart pounding so loudly in his ears. He caught a glimpse of her face past the man in his way. _

A loud thud brought him back to reality. He looked up to see that the running figure was now face-planted on the ground. "Haibara!" He yelled and ran to her, kneeling down and pulling her into his arms. Her face was twisted in pain. She had an open scrape wound on her forehead and a bruise on her cheek. She drew in a sharp breath, her chin quivering. Despite himself, he squeezed her tighter. She was real. He could see her, hear her, touch her, even smell her. It was her. Haibara was alive.

"What's wrong, Haibara?" He asked, his voice bordering on panic. She opened her eyes just long enough for them to roll back as she passed out. "Haibara! Haibara!" He began to shake her, fear of that night repeating itself. She was there, in his arms, and he was not about to let her go.

Ran finally caught up after seeing that something was wrong. "Should I call an ambulance?" She asked, her face showing her concern. She pushed any bitterness she might feel away, just thankful that the girl she was just told was dead was indeed alive in front of her very eyes.

"No! We're going to the professor's." The anger in his voice caused Ran to take a step back. She was just trying to help. She watched as he carefully lifted the girl from the ground, cradling her in his arms. A pang of something akin to jealousy hit Ran's heart. Instead of acting like a fool, she decided to lift the girl's severely bruised wrist and place it on the girl's stomach. Shinichi raised his eyebrow.

"Her wrist looks broken." Ran stated, her voice monotone. She was trying. She really was.

* * *

Ran had hailed a taxi for them, but had insisted that she get home. Shinichi found Ran's actions a bit odd, but he didn't have time for that. He yelled at the driver about three times to get them to the professor's address as quickly as possible. The disgruntled man behind the wheel obliged, periodically glancing back at the teenager who was gently stroking an unconscious girl's cheek.

"You're safe now..." he whispered to her softly, knowing that she couldn't hear him. His fingers carefully avoided the bruise on her cheek and wound on her forehead, not wanting to cause her any more pain. Her shirt had a loose collar, revealing a tiny scar on her shoulder. He hugged her close to himself, remembering how she had been shot through several times on that night on the roof of Haido City Hotel. She wouldn't give up any details about him or the professor to keep herself from being torn to pieces and possibly killed. Her steady breath hit against his neck, a comforting reminder that she was alive and with him.

All the times she saved him ran through his mind, each time causing him to want to hold her tighter. He would never leave her side. He'd never let her out of his sight again. He'd never let her down again. Never let her be hurt again.

He knew that to the driver, he looked like a lunatic, but the feeling of being able to hold the person you sincerely thought was gone forever once again was incomparable to anything else. He fully planned to face all the regrets he had when he was mourning her death.

When the taxi stopped outside the professor's house, Shinichi threw his cash to the front and maneuvered awkwardly out of the vehicle with Shiho's limp form still in his arms. He then raced past the gate and to the door, ringing the doorbell repeatedly with his elbow.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He heard the tired and slightly irritated voice of Agasa-hakase on the other side of the door. A smile began to spread across his face. He could only imagine how happy he would be to see Haibara alive – albeit currently unconscious. The door swung open to an uncharacteristically grumpy man. "What was so-" His whole body froze as he took in the sight before him.

He had to be hallucinating. He was imagining that Shinichi had come to his door with an unconscious full-size Ai-kun. He was imagining that they just appeared at his doorstep with absolutely no explanation.

"A...Ai-kun?" His eyes began to well up with tears as he stood in shock. Shinichi decided to push past him and promptly placed the young woman on one of the couches. Agasa slowly followed him, staring in disbelief. She had died. Shinichi told him that night with details the old man would've rather he had left out. How many times the young man mentioned her eyes as he sobbed through his memory. Her eyes as they lost life. How he himself confirmed that there was no pulse.

Agasa Hiroshi had suffered alone with an empty house, void of a young girl admonishing him for his eating habits, praising his new inventions, secretly confiding in him. The secrets she told him that she had told no one else. She was like a daughter. And he had listened earnestly for weeks for her unamused call through the house.

_"Hakase, I'm home."_

And he had prayed to see the soft smile replace the facade she wore in front of everyone else. He had dreams about their days together. About the first time he met her. He stared at the young woman lying on his couch, bruises and scrapes on her face, bruises and slight cuts round about her wrists. It brought back a vivid image of the little girl in the white lab coat he found drenched in the rain.

Shinichi began to take a more investigative look at his partner, recognizing that Ran was correct – her wrist did appear to be broken. By the bruises and injury to her other wrist, he could only assume she had been restrained by hand-cuffs. Anger began to rise within him. Who would dare hurt her like this? After all she'd been through.

"Shinichi... this... this is Ai-kun." Agasa said, or asked - Shinichi wasn't sure which. Shinichi looked over, the fury inside beginning to bubble over into his general perception. But the moment he saw the man's face, his anger subsided. As if on cue, the girl resting on the couch began to stir.

"Unless she has a doppelganger..." Shinichi muttered, expectant eyes turning to the reddish-brown-haired girl who now began to sit up. He watched as she looked around warily, eyes widening significantly as she scanned the room. They fell upon him for a moment, making his heart jump. Something foreign to him flashed in her eyes and her gaze moved past him and to the professor.

"Hakase..." She breathed softly, whatever pains had ailed her a second ago seeming to wash away.

Agasa Hiroshi's heart completely melted at the sound of her voice. "Ai-kun... Ai-kun, welcome home." He didn't even attempt to hide the tears that were now pouring down his face. He barreled toward her, his arms open wide. She stood up just fast enough for him to encompass her in a tight hug. After a moment's embrace, he pulled back, grabbed her face, and began to kiss her forehead and cheeks like a father who had found his long-lost child. "You're back. You're safe." He kept muttering in between his displays of paternal affection.

Shinichi looked away slightly, but did not fail to notice the tears on the girl's face, mirroring the inventor's. He became quickly aware that the closeness he had when he held her close would never be possible while she was conscious. Agasa-hakase was like a father to her. But he, Kudo Shinichi, was just the idiot who gave her empty promises and meant to make amends. He was just a coward who could only whisper his sheer joy at her being alive – a coward who could only stroke her cheek when he wasn't scared of the rejection it would cause had she been awake.

After the two had separated, Shinichi had firmly decided that he had it out of his system now. She was safe. She was alive. And now he was going to act like a normal human being and give her the space she always demanded.

Each person in the room looked from one to another, the professor to Shiho in a questioning but understanding manner, Shiho to the professor in an apologetic air, Shinichi to Shiho in a hurt and confused, alienated way. Eventually, both the professor and Shinichi stared at Shiho as she looked down at her hands, clearly weighing her thoughts.

Her silence was killing Shinichi. He couldn't keep it in anymore. He planned on trying, he really did. _But she was here._

"What happened?" He asked, his voice quiet. Shiho flinched. He sounded hurt. She thought he would be – after all it seems to be that she just let him think she was dead. And the truth was, she didn't really plan on telling him otherwise.

She wasn't a fool. The drug would probably ensure Kudo-kun's safety. But Shiho knew that the moment Anokata had what he wanted, she would be disposed of. Why come back and announce that she had never died if within the next six months she would die again? What point would there be to hurt them all over again?

Shiho felt the guilt weigh heavier at the absolute joy that overcame Hakase. The love he showed her – how he expressed how much he missed her, cared for her. She couldn't really remember that with her actual parents. She knew from the recordings that her mother had loved her. But she couldn't recall affection like that, and especially not from her father. Her sister loved her, but she was her sister, not her parent.

Knowing the disappointment she would be in a few minutes to the man who had just so happily welcomed her back from wherever she had been hurt like pain she'd not often felt before.

Not to mention Kudo-kun. But if she had her way, he would never know.

"Where did you go?" His voice rose slightly, and Shiho sat in silence, continuing to look at her hands. One of which was skewed slightly.

"I saw you... I saw you die, Haibara. What the heck happened?!" Shiho took a breath. This was for his own good. She couldn't hurt him again.

"If you will recall, Kudo Shinichi, Haibara Ai does not exist any longer." Her eyes looked up to meet his. He looked so lost, so forlorn. Hurt shown on his features as she spoke her words. "And for that matter, I don't believe Miyano Shiho and Kudo Shinichi have met. I don't necessarily wish to share my personal business with people I just met."

"Hai- Miyano, if you'd so prefer, don't pull this crap with me!" His voice rose in anger. She flinched again, but narrowed her eyes. "We were partners! We .. are partners.. right?" The tone of his voice was cutting through her heart.

"I apologize, Kudo-san, but I'd like to excuse myself to have a word with the professor." _Kudo-san._ The honorific she specifically used to distance herself from him echoed through his mind. He sat perfectly still in shocked anger and hurt as Haibara and Agasa-hakase stood and left the room.

Anger. That's what was tumbling through him. He had to see her die. Ripped from his side. Mourned her death. And here she is, alive and somewhat well, telling him that they don't _know_ each other?!

_Aren't you one to talk?_ Shinichi's own mental voice hissed, reminding him that he wasn't all-too-innocent himself. _Didn't you disappear on Ran? Pretended to be a total stranger by the name of Edogawa Conan?_ But that was to protect her. There was a fair reason! Plus, Ran didn't think he was dead. He maintained a presence... however angry that might've made her in hindsight...

He sighed, staring up at the clock, trying to control himself. He wasn't one to lose his cool or act like a complete fool. In fact, now that he thought of it, Haibara had been one of the few people who had the ability to constantly make him lose his temper and control.

He leaned back, breathing slowly and letting his mind rest from it's emotionally-stimulated state. They'd been in the other room for at least twenty minutes now, and he was beginning to wonder if they were silently telling him to leave.

"I'm so sorry, Hakase." Shinichi heard the approaching voice of the grown-up Haibara, or Miyano as she seemed to prefer now. It only made sense, of course, since he wasn't exactly asking to be called Edogawa Conan. Fresh tears were pouring down her face as she made large strides to the door.

For once, Shinichi decided to stop her self-destructive actions.

He practically jumped in front of Shiho, arms spread wide to block the front door. "Miyano-san, I apologize, but you can't leave. It seems that you've forgotten who you and your friends are." He could see different expressions trying to take control of her face. First it was surprise, then anger, irritation, pain, and reluctance. Agasa-hakase appeared behind her within moments.

"Ai-ku... er, Shiho-kun... please don't leave." Shinichi frowned slightly, hearing the change in the man's voice. She must've told him something that was difficult to process. Shinichi watched as the young woman struggled in her decision. So he decided to make it for her. He reached out to take a hold of her arm.

"Come sit back do-" As his hand came in contact with her skin, she flinched, her non-dominant hand curled back as if she were going to punch him. The scariest expression took over her face and he jerked back, his hands in the air in surrender. He noticed her fist shaking, her chest heaving with unsteady breaths most likely brought on by adrenaline.

_Although she looked angry..._

The worst feeling in the world settled into the pit of his stomach.

_She was afraid._

Earlier that day, when he chased after her, she sounded afraid. But just the kind of get-away-from-me-you're-a-weirdo afraid.

Not the I-know-you're-going-to-hurt-me afraid.

Suddenly, a moment from their short-lived past together came into mind. When Haibara had been having those nightmares.

Ayumi had just barely touched her. But the way Haibara reacted, as if someone had tried to stab her... Her shrill voice. _"Don't touch me!"_ It had been unsettling then.

Even more so now. Her bruises on her wrists. The one that hung awkwardly at her side, even now as she slowly lowered her fist, her face slowly coming under control. The bruise on her cheek.

That night, after he had heard the exchange between Gin and 'Sherry' on the snow-covered rooftop, he had almost gathered the courage to ask. About why it was Gin that she was so afraid of. Why he would talk to her in that manner. And she in return to him. But she was hurt and terrified. She cut him off silently when he had begun his question that night.

"Sorry." Her muttered apology brought him back, her eyes resting on the floor. She shifted as to make another move for the door when he decided to do it.

He had regretted not being close to her. Not asking her about her life that she kept so silent about. Not breaking past the exterior to find the interior. He wasn't about to let her disappear again, his regrets still remaining.

She stiffened incredibly, which was to be expected. For a moment, he could her her stuttering, probably trying to tell him to leave her alone, or to get his hands off of her. Then she began to struggle, pushing back against him with her one good arm.

His arms were wrapped around her now, though, and he wasn't about to let her go. He squeezed her tighter, his hand pressing her head against him slightly. He then whispered past her reddish-brown hair and into her ear.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." Agasa-hakase had stared, open-mouthed for a moment. But after the initial shock, he began to slowly shuffle away. He was well aware that they needed their moment as much as he had. Shiho stopped fighting against him, more tears beginning to flow down her face, thankful that he couldn't see them. "I won't let you down again." He added, thankful as well that she couldn't witness him actually crying.

Those words brought another wave of emotion to Shiho, conjuring up memories of his promises to protect her, and the times where he was unable. Most of all, it brought back that night where she was certain that they would never see each other again.

She began to sob, her cries causing Shinichi to hug her tighter. Unlike that first night, where he simply let her sob into his shirt while he stood, regarding her much like the criminals who would cry out their sorrow after their confessions. Now, he wasn't going to let her feel alone. He missed her, too. He mourned for her, was traumatized. He was hurting, too.

That night, she felt the heaviest weight in the pit of her stomach. The feeling where she knew she was going to march to her death willingly. The feeling that there was no way out. The realization that she would never see Kudo Shinichi, Agasa Hiroshi, or any of the sweet children again. That they would be torn away from her when she passed over to wherever it was she would end up. All she could hope is that she would be granted one more glimpse of her sister before eternal darkness. Or whatever followed.

And that night, as she began to silently pass by the lagging defenses of the police force and intelligence agencies, she felt the weight of returning to the suffocating darkness known to Kudo-kun as the Black Organization. Her only consolation was that in the end, she would save him.

The truth was, she didn't give her life to help the FBI, CIA, or Japanese police bring down the organization. She gave her life to rescue Kudo Shinichi like he had rescued her. But even now she was unable.

She had died only to be brought back because of the things they had done to her as an organization member, causing her body to be just different enough to feel like a freakish mutant. Sure, she could handle pain. But every high-ranking member of the organization was able to take more pain than any normal human. As Anokata had stated, it was thanks to him. All his stupid idea with his fantasies about living forever.

Now her sacrifice had turned her into a traitor.

She was a traitor.

Her cries grew louder and she sank to her knees, despair overtaking her. Shinichi went to his knees with her, gently rubbing her back and continued holding her.

Kudo Shinichi was not going to be able to protect her. His role had changed in her life from her hope to her weakness. Or maybe both.

Just like her sister.

And they had killed her, anyway.

She began to choke on her own breath and tears, coughing violently. Shinichi loosened his grip slightly, pulling back to make sure she was alright. He then gently lifted her head and brushed the hair away from her face. Her tears had caused much of her bangs to be firmly stuck to her skin. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw that Shinichi had his own tears on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, now brushing away tears from her cheeks. He was careful to avoid her bruise and scrape. Shiho swallowed thickly, beginning to bring herself into check. But just before she would return to her constant mask of indifference, she lifted her good hand and brushed away a piece of his wet hair and placed her hand lightly on his cheek.

"Don't ever change, Kudo Shinichi." She said softly. She could see his eyes widen, probably not expecting her to be like this in any manner. She then withdrew her hand and took a deep breath. "I think I should go to bed now. And you should check on Mouri-san. I'm sure she's rattled about you chasing down a random girl and bringing her here."

It was that moment that Shinichi felt guilt pour over him. Everything he had held inside had just been let go, a cleansing moment shared with the person who had been the focus of it all. But now he realized that he had just told her story without permission. He swallowed and looked away.

"Uh... yeah." He couldn't stand her being mad at him now, not after this. She stood and walked past him toward her old room. Another pang of worry and guilt overcame him. Agasa-hakase had been clearing out her things. What would she do when she saw how she was so easily removed from their lives? He stood quickly, turning toward her. "You..." He couldn't find the words to say. She halted, turning her face toward him, her front still toward the hall. He could see a familiar smirk come to her face.

"Goodnight, Kudo-kun." He decided to allow her to continue her descent down the stairs.

"Goodnight, Miyano." The word was still foreign to him, but somehow, seeing her full adult size self here in Agasa-hakase's house with her trademark smirk made him feel at peace. Every other time she had become Sherry except once – that being the time she had rescued the children. And now she was safely Miyano Shiho, finally free from the terror pressing down on her to be someone she wasn't.

Shinichi turned toward the door and quietly let himself out. Shinichi then walked over to his house, no longer occupied by 'Okiya Subaru' or anyone else. The agents, other than Jodie-san and Black-san, had gone back to America from what he understood. He was going to rest well tonight, knowing that she was safe and alive.

He'd deal with Ran later.

* * *

Sorry, it's super long this time around. I just couldn't find a proper place to split it, and after all the cliffhanger protests I decided I'd be somewhat nicer.

P.S. I don't own Detective Conan.

P.P.S. I think it's super cool that **Kudou Aichi** is translating this story into Indonesian! -big round of applause-

P.P.P.S. I was kiiinda waiting on one of my regular reviewers to make their comment before I continued, but it looks like I've waited long enough XD;

P.P.P.P.S. There were a LOT of guests (it feels like it, at least) so I go in order of who reviewed first, if you were the first person under just 'guest', then you'll see my response for you first, etc.

**Runa – **LOL! I kinda feel like I made her a bit too heartless, but I think that Ran isn't always 100% forgiving and when it comes to the person who screwed up her and Shinichi's life, I sincerely doubt she'd be all butterflies and rainbows. I hope you enjoyed Shinichi going a little crazy this chapter. ;)

**Guest – **Thank you!

**Marutaro –** Emotions are on full blast XD; Yeah, well, I don't think Anokata is the nicest person around XDD And yeah, comparing the Shinichi from episode one and even some of Ran's memories to Conan now, they're so entirely different. Haibara's just that awesome :DD Hope you liked this one!

**Guest - **Thank you so much! That's really encouraging! I've been trying to keep them within the realm of reality while doing something that's probably not too far-fetched. I think this specific chapter rides the edge of OOC, but I think that the circumstances will allow in this case. I hope to hear from you again!

**Darkoceansky – **You have no idea how much I love your reviews! I've thought about him being the Professor James Moriarty ever since Conan's comment about Black sharing his first name with Moriarty. I expand more on that in my recent blog post ;) You always seem to find the major thoughts and ideas behind what I'm writing and what my intentions are and it just makes me really happy XD I find it sadly ironic where Shiho is placed due to James Black. And thank you; although I never really got to know my grandpa that well, my mom was taking it really hard, and I could only think of all the things I would've liked to have known about him, and the same with my mom. Most of my fics are very emotion-driven, which is probably the only thing that gets me past writer's block. Thank you so much for all of your encouragement! :D

**Snowflakes** - I'm sorry! But I wrote this one without a cliffhanger for you -puppy dog eyes- -innocent smile- Muwahahaha you never know what I will do! (But in all likelyhood, it will be a good ending in the way you see it... probably.)

**Guest – **Thank you so much! You're too sweet :)

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'd love to hear from you all again :D


	7. War on Coffee

_It's amazing, the things that turn us back into our childish attitudes._

_One moment, we understand our bearings, _

_Our limits, as well as others'_

_And in the next, we're testing everyone's,_

_Only on some strange impulse we just can't explain._

As opposed to her very open and emotional moment with him last night, Shinichi was feeling an enormous amount of pressure. Her glare. It was boring into the side of his head. Somehow with her actual body her glare had become less disturbing (who wanted to see an adorable little girl giving the death glare?) and more fear-inducing. Her aquamarine eyes seemed so much more piercing and somehow it seemed that she was making silent threats with her eyes, all of which he was certain she could follow through on now better than ever before.

Shinichi felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face.

And on the other side was a brown-haired girl who _usually_ was kind and sweet, even if she didn't necessarily feel like it. Oh, but today was Shinichi's lucky day. Ran was trying her own hand at the death glare, and while her eyes were not able to nearly mimic the effect Miyano's had, the unnerving tremors of the karate champion's fist very near his ribs was fairly terrifying.

"Miyano Shiho." Shinichi felt relief wash over him with the presence of a nurse. At least someone would be able to witness his death. But then Miyano Shiho stood, sending him one last glare before turning with a blank expression toward the nurse. Shinichi stood, assuming that he should go with her. And then he realized that Ran had become his shadow as much as he'd become Miyano's. He felt his lungs tighten with fear, his dilemma of whether to follow or not to follow becoming a life or death decision.

Apparently the nurse had pity on him, or just wanted to hurry the process along.

"We just need the patient." She stated, holding her arm out in a gesture to the scientist. Within moments both had vanished behind the door. Shinichi breathed a quiet sigh of relief. His chances of dying had just decreased dramatically.

"So. You feel like catching me up now, Shinichi?" He looked away, trying to find fascination in the various health charts displayed on the walls. Why was there no one else here?! Usually clinics like these were fairly busy...

"I... you probably know as much as I do, Ran. You were there when we saw her. And then she was fine after I brought her back to Agasa-hakase's house. I tried asking her what happened but she refuses to talk about it. Plus... I don't really think it'd even be my right to tell you if she had let me in on it." His last sentence dropped in volume significantly, but Ran's attentive ears didn't fail to catch it.

"So it's okay for you to leave me in the dark again? And what's with her being glued to you this whole time?" Shinichi frowned. It wasn't exactly Miyano who was glued to him. It was more like the other way around.

_Shinichi woke up in his bed and stretched, immediately looking toward the window in which the sun was peeking through. He hadn't had a full night's rest like that in months. But then something occurred to him. Her wrist._

_ He jumped out of bed, got his clothes together, and took a record time shower. Deciding that toast would take too long to make, he skipped the breakfast portion of the morning and raced out the door, practically falling over his house gate trying to get across the street. If he had been any more awake, he may have been tempted to leap right over the professor's smaller gate, but he restrained himself._

_ After a hearty five rings of the doorbell and twelve knocks and no reply, Shinichi found it to be a silent welcome to come in. He unlocked the door with his key and came right in, calling an overly-chipper "Good morning!" to the quiet house. _

_ He waited for a moment, straining to hear any sounds of showers or breakfast making, or smells of coffee or the voices of the two intelligent people occupying the house. None. So he took that as another welcome._

_ "Oh Agasa-hakase~ Miyano~" He called loudly through the hall, quickly descending the stairs and giving a short tap on the professor's door. However, it seemed that the old man was snoring loudly, probably enjoying his own first rest in forever. It took him seconds to move on to Miyano's room, rapping his knuckles on the door and already humming a song to himself. _

_ No reply._

_ She was usually difficult to get up in the mornings, anyway. _

_ So he let himself in._

_ "Oh, Miyano! It's time to wa-" He stopped short. Miyano had a knife in her hand, pointed at him. Her hair was a terrifying mess. Her eyes were still a bit puffy, and it was clear she was not ready to be awake. The half-asleep glare she gave him was still quite powerful, though. _

_ "Get. Out." She hissed, her voice low and still thick with sleep. _

_ "Come on Miyano, we both know that your dominate hand is the other, which is probably broken and needs to be in a cast or something. So even if you did come at me with that knife, I would be able to overpower you. Let's go, it's time for a trip to the doctor." He bounced back, a smirk on his face. It started to fade as the girl hopped out of the bed, her oversized t-shirt falling eight inches above her knees. _

_ "Try me." She hissed. Shinichi laughed nervously. _

_ "You're not getting out of it... so... I'll get you coffee?" She paused for a moment, and he felt hope revive inside. _

_ "And afterwards we're going to go shopping." She added, a smirk now on her face. It seemed to Shinichi that her tired anger was all just a trap. "Wherever I want." When Shinichi frowned and opened his mouth to protest, Miyano tilted the knife, looking at it with sudden interest. He sighed._

_ "Alright, alright. I get it. But if you're not out in the living room in thirty minutes I'm not doing it." As he turned to leave, he could've sworn he heard her mutter something to the effect of 'that's what you think', but he wasn't willing to pursue the thought. _

_ As Shinichi waited in the living room, still bubbling with enthusiasm, his phone began to ring in his pocket. It was refreshing that he didn't have to be concerned about which phone he had. It was just Kudo Shinichi's phone. His phone. The caller ID revealed that it was Ran trying to contact him._

_ 'This could work', he thought to himself. _

_ "Hello?" He answered, his voice too chipper for any sane person that early on a Monday. _

_ "Hey. I just wanted to check on Ai-chan." Her voice sounded a bit strained, but Shinichi chalked it up to being worried, or maybe she was tired like everyone else. _

_ "Oh... well she's doing alright. I'm taking her to the clinic to get her wrist looked at and then we're going shopping. I thought you might want to join us?" He grinned. He was doing things right today. Both girls would be happy, and he'd be able to spend time with both of his friends. _

_ "Sure, I'm actually near your house..." Shinichi would put his thoughts on that aside for later._

_ "Great, come over to Agasa-hakase's house and we can leave together."_

Shinichi shuddered. He thought inviting Ran would work great. But then Ran didn't think it'd be a good idea to stop by the coffee place before going to the clinic. And Miyano was dressed in Shinichi's clothes because she had no more clean clothes for her size. So while Ran seethed about Miyano wearing Shinichi's clothes (he couldn't imagine why she would be upset over that, it's not like the clothes were very flattering on a girl), Miyano's glare intensified with every minute that passed by. It seemed that the lack of coffee was causing her mouth to get looser and looser with unkind words.

_"So you just happened to be near Kudo-kun's house at six in the morning?"_

_"I guess the belief that coffee kills brain cells is the new mass hysteria."_

_ "Say, Kudo-kun, you seem to have a _great _taste in clothes."_

Although Shinichi knew she was taking her anger out on him, her comments seemed aimed more at Ran than him, making him even more uncomfortable. He sat through the tedious wait for the clinic to actually open, which set off a new round of comments about how it would've taken _oh so long _to grab a coffee.

Ran had, surprisingly, bit her tongue for most of it. The most she did was repeat the bad effects coffee could have on you if you depended on it (in which she sent a hard sideways glance toward Miyano) and give a mini lecture on getting issues solved quickly. He could see her anger mounting, though. And nothing was calming about a karate champion bottling up her anger just to let it all out at once.

"Look, she's my friend, too. I thought she was _dead._ Forgive me if I want to spend some time enjoying _life_ together. And I even invited you so we could all enjoy a day together." He responded, taking a careful glance at his childhood friend. Her anger seemed to subside a little bit.

"I guess I can understand that. But there's really no _enjoying_ a day with her. She's only been rude and sarcastic this whole entire time." Ran crossed her arms, somewhat pouting. Shinichi sighed. At least that meant that she was going to try, right?

* * *

And so it began.

"Kudo-kun promised that he would take me to whatever shop I wanted to go to."

"That's nice, but that shop's at least two hours away and so expensive. Why don't we just go to the one up the street? They have good sales."

"I don't like the one up the street."

Shinichi deadpanned.

"Well, I do. They have cute clothes."

"They have _cheap_ clothes."

Shinichi swore he saw his life flash before his eyes.

"They're _cute_ and _inexpensive._"

"Um.. you tw-"

Shinichi's intervention was promptly ignored.

"I'm guessing what you're wearing right now is _cute_ and _inexpensive, _as you put it."

"Oh wow, um, hey, we shou-"

He tried to stop the war, he really did. But they kept firing despite his sentence-beginnings.

"What are you trying to say? This is _cute_. I don't have to spend hundreds of dollars of someone else's money to look good."

"Ha. You think it'd only take hundreds to dress this?"

"Coffee!" Shinichi shouted, throwing his hands in the air with exuberance. He was sure one or both of them were about to lose it on the other within seconds if he didn't distract them soon. They stopped in front of one of the coffee shops near the clinic, where they had just left from.

Miyano's wrist now had a brace. Apparently the doctor said the break was clean enough that if she had it in a brace it should heal fine soon. The news had set Ran off on a semi-insincere 'thankful' speech, with such comments as '_Thankfully_ we went on this _wonderful_ trip to find out that everything was just fine'. The girls continued to glare at each other.

"So... we can get coffee... and something to eat. Everyone feels better when they eat." _Or at least Genta does._ He added silently as he ushered the girls through the door. "Oh, it even smells like being awake and happy and hyped on caffeine in here!" Shinichi exclaimed, trying his hardest to keep them on neutral ground. Maybe if he kept talking, the girls wouldn't.

"Kudo-kun. You're way too friggen happy. Shut it." _Why so hateful?_ Shinichi asked himself, about to whine out loud as Ran immediately came back with a comment.

"_I _happen to like it when he's happy." Somehow that was infuriating to Miyano.

"Are you implying that I like to see him unhappy?" She hissed, her voice rising. The other people in the cafe began to stare.

"Hmph." Ran replied with a snobbish air. Shinichi was now regretting letting her spend so much time alone with Sonoko. Shinichi was also immensely grateful that she was willing to keep whatever stupid comment she was thinking in her head and not let it leave her mouth.

"Order whatever you want, it's on me." Shinichi interjected again, motioning toward the counter where a paling barista stood. He sighed to himself as Miyano went first, her order very precise. Ran rolled her eyes during the reddish-brown-haired girl's order, then ordered a simple cappuccino. In some miraculous form of self-control, Miyano walked over to Shinichi in silence. He gave her a smile.

"So, do you want to pick our seat?" Miyano raised an eyebrow, her eyes betraying her annoyance. Shinichi's smile instantly faded.

"And have to get back up again for my coffee? It seems that you're in the best position to find a seat for us, Kudo-kun." Shinichi looked down to see his black credit card held out to him.

"Don't worry, _Shinichi,_ _I_ will find us a good seat." Shinichi took his card and smiled weakly at Ran's offer. She was already working on finding this perfect seat that had somehow become such a big deal. And what was with her emphasizing his name?!

"Kudo-san?" The barista held the two coffees out from the counter. Shinichi quickly retrieved them, uttering a small thank you to the ever-patient employee. He felt his right hand get significantly lighter as Miyano took her drink. Shinichi mentally noted that she had no room for her own 'thank you' to him.

Shiho sipped a bit of her drink, which contained an abnormally high amount of espresso, and inhaled deeply. The warmth, the invigorating smell. Maybe the annoying Kudo-kun was right. It even _smelled_ like happiness. Shiho turned with Kudo-kun to join Mouri-san. She stopped, an unsettling feeling of deja vu overcoming her. Mouri-san had picked a booth by the window. She was looking outside through the glass, a content smile on her face. The image was too similar to the last good memory Shiho had of Akemi.

Why was she acting this way? Mouri-san, albeit not that likeable today, was kind and caring like her sister. She had no idea what was going on that night on the docks, but had put herself clearly in harm's way to protect her. Even if Mouri-san was regretting her actions, Shiho had no right to be this way toward her. Even if she hadn't had coffee, or Mouri-san's demands were ruining her ideal day.

"Are you coming?" Shinichi's question broke through her thoughts and she nodded in silence.

She wouldn't fight with her sister over spending time with some guy.

Shinichi sat next to Ran, and Shiho sat across from them. She gritted her teeth, telling herself that this was not the same situation. These were not the same people. It wasn't Akemi and her new boyfriend that she decided to bring along to meet her.

Shinichi wasn't the man who said he'd protect her sister and then caused her death.

Seeing the sudden affliction on the scientist's face, Ran began to feel guilty. She had never really had a grudge against her before she knew about her past. The girl wasn't always the nicest, but when it came to her, she was. It was hard forgetting that Shinichi lied to her and stuck by this Miyano Shiho person's side, but what choice was there? Ran had always noticed that there was a loneliness deep inside Ai-chan's eyes. Even when she was being difficult, Ran tried to find a way around it.

Why couldn't she do that now?

Was it because she was a criminal? But had the girl really intended to bring harm to them? Shinichi said she had died to make the mission a success. To save his life. And though she was alive and well right now, Ran couldn't believe that Shinichi would lie to her about something like that.

Shiho finished her drink quickly in silence. Kudo-kun was fidgeting, probably because he was next to Mouri-san. After her last drop, Shiho gave Mouri-san a smile.

"You two enjoy the day together. I just remembered I have some business back at home to finish." Ran and Shinichi blinked.

"Eh? But what about your clothes? You can't be wearing... boy's clothes all the time." Ran carefully avoided the thought of her wearing her childhood friend's clothes every day.

"I'll go later. I like going by myself anyway. You were right, Mouri-san, I probably shouldn't be spending other people's money so carelessly." Shiho avoided sounding sarcastic the best she could. It was about once in a lifetime that one would hear Miyano Shiho tell someone that they were right.

As Shiho began to leave, Shinichi's jaw was gracing the tabletop. His mouth hung open so wide a bee could've rested inside. Who knew that coffee would've made his friends a thousand times nicer to each other?!

"Miyano, you should come wi-"

"I'll pay you back for this." She lifted her empty cup to signify to what she was referring. Once she turned her back, Shinichi began to feel that fear overcome him again. He began to get up as well, to grab her and tell her not to ever leave his sight. Ran's hand firmly grasped his arm.

"Maybe she needs some space, Shinichi. I know... that she's important to you and all, but you can't suffocate her." Shinichi looked over at Ran, her words bringing him back to sanity. He took a deep breath, pushing his fear away. He then gave her a warm smile.

"Thanks, Ran."

* * *

**I don't own Detective Conan.**

Alright, I think I'm fairly satisfied. Some comedy to relieve all the... everything else in this fic XD'

**Marutaro – **Thank you! I wasn't sure how it'd turn out, so I'm glad you liked it that much XD This one's not so emotional, though ^^;

**Guest – **Thanks!

**Nadya – **Woo! This one was going to be a ton longer (like three pages on my word processing software) but I decided this would split well here.

**Crystal Snowflakes – **Aww! Thank you! I have a bad habit of keeping Shinichi in the dark. But it's not like he's an idiot, so I think I'm gonna bring his intelligence in soon... but that's a little piece of spoiler just for you. :D Hope you like this one XD;;

**Runa – **Aww! That means a lot, actually. It probably won't make you feel any better, but I'm just about as nervous as you are – I'm not sure how I'd like to take this right about here XD;; But hey, I'm driving Shinichi insane now, so I hope you enjoyed it :) And I think I'd get way too over my head if I tried supernatural like doppelgangers or something XDD

**Haibara Ai z** – YAY YOU LIVE! You made me worried. Thank you, thank you. What's your thoughts on this round?

**Guest – **Thanks! Hope to see you around again :)

**Limonatta – **Your review was on chapter three, but if you've caught up to now, thank you so much! I hope my story will keep you around here a little more often :)

Where is my **Darkoceansky?!** -waves- I hope you're still out there XDD

Anyways, I think this next bit is going to be a bit more light-hearted on the surface, thanks in part to.. Akemi?! Anyways, please review!


	8. Living Nightmare

_Pain can bring us to our knees._

_We mistake vulnerability for weakness around those we love._

_We think that if we're just strong enough, it'll be alright._

_But sometimes loving people requires that we be vulnerable._

_Maybe even weak._

It was the only place that the Hakase hadn't touched. Everything was neatly in its place, every beaker, burner, chemical. Everything. Part of her had been torn apart upon seeing her barren room. But did she expect him to keep her things around forever? And now, she had to place this burden on him.

It was in this room that she told him.

_"Ai-kun..." Hakase said uncertainly as Shiho calmly began to open the metal door to her lab. She ignored him and pried it open, holding it for him to come through as well. He gave her a wavering look, one that silently asked if he should trust her in this. She offered him nothing in return. Some sort of silent understanding, or courage, came into the man and he stepped into the room he hadn't allowed himself to even think of in months. He didn't often come here, anyway. It was Ai-kun's place. Its existence in his house had haunted him with her sudden removal from his life. Like she was there... but she wasn't. As if some how, he could knock on the door and entreat her to come out from behind it. _

_ When he joined her in the room, she allowed the door to close, a heavy click resounding in the room. It was a bit stuffy and dim, only lit by the computer screen. How long had that been on? The young woman in front of him gave him a look that he wasn't sure how to interpret. It seemed... vulnerable. He couldn't take the silence, and was about to speak again when she abruptly spun on her heel, taking up her lab coat. _

_ The one from the Organization. She had never gotten rid of it. It had been wrapped around her when he found her, unconscious in front of Shinichi's house. He had simply hung it up and cloaked her in towels to keep her warm. He never made a remark about how she kept it in the corner on the same coat rack that held her small, child-sized one. Hiroshi could only wonder about it. He could only think that maybe there was a reason she didn't toss it, burn it, or hide it. _

_ Shiho set her jaw, breathing in her courage. She had to... The coat fit perfectly across her shoulders. It felt like a heavy weight, taking the air from her lungs. After fixing it about herself, she brought her eyes to meet the Hakase's. He wasn't a fool. His face was conflicted. He probably hoped that she was doing something meaningless. They both knew she wasn't._

_ His heart sunk with every second that ticked by. Her gaze was so unwavering. Before him stood Miyano Shiho. His heart began to feel an intense pain. But the way she looked at him now. Maybe, he was looking at the girl who had been held captive under a code name … Sherry. _

_ "Ai-kun..." He repeated, his voice trembling. He noticed the look in her eyes intensify. Her lips moved, the sound so far gone from the place in which they stood._

_ "Not Ai-kun. Sherry." Her voice wasn't nearly as harsh as she had been when she pranked Kudo-kun such a long time ago. Agasa took in a sharp breath._

_ "No..." He whispered, hoping that what she was trying to say wasn't true. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes. _

_ "Yes, Hakase. My sister... Kudo-kun is like Akemi..." Hiroshi felt himself go pale white. _

_ "No..." The older man whispered again, sharing the insufferable pain he knew she was feeling. Shiho continued, trying to continue with her courage._

_ "I have to make something different, though. Remember what I told you about the truth about Apotoxin? I have to make the antidote again." _

_ "But you only made enough for you and Shinichi. Destroyed the rest. Ai... Shiho-kun..." Her hand reached out and touched his arm gently. He felt sorrow at the way it shook slightly on his skin._

_ "Hakase... I need six months here to make it again. After that..." She looked away. His child looked away. _

_ "No. This can't be. You can't do this again." He pulled on the sleeve of her lab coat. She allowed him to take it off of her. He placed it back on the rack. "You're different now..." When he turned back to her, her eyes were glistening with tears. _

_ "No, Hakase. I'm the same coward." She then ripped open the door, beginning to take the stairs two at a time. _

_ "I'm so sorry, Hakase."_

Calmly, Miyano Shiho took her lab coat off the coat rack. It was time to get back to business. Her computer had remained untouched, as well. Commendable. If she had Akemi's computer at her disposal, she would've searched it for any ounce of her. Any picture, any diary, anything personal she could hold onto. But Hakase knew her. Hakase didn't step across that line of her privacy.

As she woke the computer back up, she distantly wished he had.

She earnestly searched for notes, or anything to assist her with finding information on her years of work. Nothing. She made sure of that, but she hoped that somehow she could fetch back her carefully destroyed evidence.

It wasn't a total loss, though. This time, she had been actively thinking about the antidote almost every breathing moment. It hadn't been something forced on her, but something she believed was going to rescue them. She remembered vaguely what worked and what hadn't. She could probably pick up near the last phases of her experiment.

Her slender fingers wrapped around a vial, suddenly hesitating.

She had prolonged her research when she was in the organization. She worked slowly, repeating things over and over for 'the sake of accuracy'. But really, she had a feeling that somehow a breakthrough would eliminate the need to keep her sister alive. And now, if she didn't reach a quick breakthrough, Kudo Shinichi would die.

Miyano Shiho set her jaw and began to work quickly. She wasn't a fan of working against time, but sometimes it had to be done.

* * *

Three days. It had been three days since Kudo Shinichi had seen Miyano Shiho's face. Heard her voice. It was driving him mad. He would demand answers from the professor, making sure it hadn't been a dream. Sometimes Ran would make an off-hand comment, reassuring him that their awkward day out had indeed occurred.

But it was making him sick. The wheels in his head were spinning as he kicked his soccer ball from foot to foot, knee to knee, then from there to his chest, back to his feet. The action began to create a steady rhythm in which he could think without getting too worked up. There was a system for everything. A logical reason. Getting anxious would not help him find the answer any faster.

Miyano Shiho dies. He gets separated from her body quickly thereafter, with people from every kind of protective service everywhere. Jodie batters him about information that would be otherwise irrelevant. Then Miyano Shiho shows up, harmed, but alive. She treats him coldly. Stop.

Haibara had treated him coldly plenty of times before, but not like this. It was as if, for some reason, she was trying to push him away. Why?

Continue. Miyano disappears with the professor and comes back, about to leave. Hakase looks... disturbed. Then... that moment. Where she flinched, where her fist drew back. She was so hurt. But if she hated him, really hated him, she wouldn't have cried in his arms. She wouldn't have done any of that.

Then after acting like a brat, she suddenly goes off, leaving him and Ran. She hasn't come out to talk to anyone. She's just doing.. _something._ What is that something? How did she come back, a living person? Who hurt her?

Why won't she tell him? Why did she... apologize like that to Hakase?

The soccer ball lay at rest at his feet, a frown etched onto his features. In frustration, he gave it a swift kick off the balcony of his house. A crashing noise brought him back to reality.

"Crap." He ran down the stairs of his house, put his shoes on, and burst through the door and past the gate. He didn't take the time to observe from above, considering the professor was going to kill him if he put a hole in his house again. Shinichi scanned the area for a moment, finally resting on the slightly dented gate. The ball was sitting innocently in an nearby bush after deflecting off the gate. He began pushing on the gate, hoping to fix the bent metal somehow.

"Oh, it's just you." A slightly-relieved voice made him jump and he spun to see a girl with light-colored hair and dark circles under her eyes. She had a lab coat over her clothes, which she must've bought while he was busy not observing the house for any signs of her. He noticed her pull her hand back behind the door, but he had still noticed the knife she was clutching. He gave her a harmless smile.

"What kind of greeting is that? Looks like Agasa-hakase needs a new gate..." He muttered, pushing the gate back and forth. Miyano frowned at him at her place halfway behind the door.

"No thanks to you." She stated, then slid back behind the door into the house. Shinichi caught the door before it closed, pushing it open. Miyano offered no resistance and was halfway across the living room before he even got his shoes off.

"Hey! Miyano, what's up with you?" She stopped, facing the hall that she was about to enter. She didn't have an answer that would go over well, so she kept silent. Shiho could hear Kudo-kun's slipper-covered feet coming toward her.

"It's none of your concern." She said softly, beginning to take the steps down toward her lab. His hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"It _is_ of my concern, Miyano! We're partners. How can you just disappear, come back, and then be so distant? How can I rely on you if I don't even know if you're still breathing, locked away somewhere in this house? What's going on?!" Shinichi stepped back as she spun on her heel, her face coming in close proximity with unexpected speed. Again, sorrow laced her expression. Some part of him took new interest in the fact that she was wearing a lab coat and working downstairs. She shouldn't be doing that anymore, right?

"Haibara Ai and Edogawa Conan were partners, Kudo-kun. I'm not your partner. You can't rely on me." Shinichi emitted a low growl, his hand returning to her shoulder with a slightly tighter grip.

"How can you say crap like that still? After all of this? You want to say that just because we're in older bodies we're different people with a different relationship? We had each other's backs. Nothing's changed." He noticed her lip tremble before she spoke again. The fierceness in her eyes made him swallow in uncertainty.

"You're right, Kudo-kun. I haven't changed after all. That's the problem. We can't be best buddies. It was fine when we were kids. But that's all over. Mouri-san doesn't like me around, especially not around you. And for that matter, I don't like me being around you. It's dangerous." Her last sentence caused his grip to tighten further and a flash of pain crossed her face.

"What's dangerous?! What aren't you telling me?" A moment of panic came over her expression and it felt like someone punched him in the stomach. In a moment, her face returned to one of indifference.

"It's dangerous. You might fall in love with me." That's all it took for him to immediately release her, his face getting red. She smirked and turned away, quickly descending the stairs.

"Just kidding~" She called lightly from the base of the stairs.

"You..." He growled, stalking back to the front door. She had effectively shut him down in moments right when he was on the edge of finding out just what was going on. Shinichi muttered to himself as he put his shoes back on and left the house, taking a second glance at the damage he had done to the gate. "No thanks to you, either."

* * *

When Kudo Shinichi had hoped that Miyano Shiho would try to be a normal member of society, he sure wasn't expecting this.

After another week of pestering the professor as to what exactly Miyano was doing, he was directed, with much annoyance, to walk down one of the shopping strips near the house. He was expecting to find her shopping there for more of her expensive clothes, but had been unable to spot the reddish-brown-haired young adult in any clothing stores.

Shinichi decided to stop in one of the cafes to take a break and cool his head. The day was nice and sunny, and he took a seat by the window where he could watch for her should she stroll by. How peaceful it must be for her, making him go mad while she went on a relaxing shopping trip. Here he thought she might be wrapped up in something shady and she was just going out on the town.

"Your order." That wasn't very kind.

"Ice co-" The words stopped in his throat. Miyano Shiho stood before him, wearing a waitress uniform. He spluttered for a few moments. She looked tired, but otherwise extremely annoyed at this point.

"Ice it is then." She said flatly, turning to leave.

"Coffee! Ice coffee." He managed. She paused.

"Ice coffee." He nodded and she left to go do her... job. Miyano Shiho was a waitress? Of all the things she could do... she chose working with people?

"Don't worry, she has that effect on everyone." Another waitress stopped at his table, her long brown hair pulled into a ponytail on top her head. She spoke with a high, soft voice. "Miyano-chan makes all the guys stutter." Shinichi frowned.

"Th-They don't think she's kinda... you know, cold?" The girl smiled and shrugged.

"I think that's what they like the most. Like those guys over there." She pointed discreetly with the pencil she had in her hand toward a booth with two overweight guys with glasses and Haruhi t-shirts. "She's only been here a few days and she already has repeat customers. I think it's cool how she can remember everything people order. Anyway..." She bowed her head and then scurried off toward the back.

_This_ is what she'd been up to?! He sat, dazed, until a glass of ice coffee was nearly slammed down in front of him. Shinichi jumped slightly. Miyano seemed rather displeased.

"Are you eating?" She asked, her head tipped slightly. Instead of endearing it was... threatening? Shinichi frowned.

"What kind of service is this? I can't believe you're working here..." She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

"I said I'd pay you back for the coffee, Kudo-kun. So that's on me." She gestured toward the glass in front of him. "I can't live dependent on Hakase forever. Now, if you'd like to order something to eat, you're paying full price." Shinichi deadpanned. There was no kindness in this woman.

"You didn't spit in it, did you?" He eyed it, now concerned about the little bubbles at the top.

"Ow!" He howled. Miyano raised her eyebrows as if she had nothing to do with the fact that someone had just stomped on his foot. She was the only possible culprit. "What was that for?!"

"Okyeku-san, if you'd like to order, I need you to speak up." Shinichi shuddered.

"Just a strawberry cake, then." He muttered, scowling at her as she turned away again. Making him worry about her like that just be so cruel... Just as he was thinking about how terrible and mean and horrible Miyano Shiho was, the two guys the other waitress had pointed out were getting a bit loud.

"Miya-chan~" They both said in unison. Shinichi's face twisted in disgust. Somehow it made him angry to see Miyano appear at their table moments later. Apparently they had some sort of question about their food, but Shinichi was sure that it wasn't the food they were interested in. Anger began to boil in the pit of his stomach as he saw them look at her in an unseemly manner. "So cool~" They called again in unison as she left their table, her face unreadable.

Weirdos like this really existed? Shinichi fumed as he drank his iced coffee, his eyes now scanning the room for anyone else who might look at his partner in the wrong way. A strawberry cake came into view as it plopped unceremoniously on the table.

"If you keep acting so surprised by everything I'm going to have to question your identity. One would assume the Oh-So-Great-Detective-of-the-East would expect to see his order delivered to him and not nearly jump out of his skin." There was a tad bit more warmth in her tone than he expected. Miyano smirked. Shinichi frowned.

"I'm just distracted. Those guys over there, do you know them?" Shinichi motioned toward the otakus who were sending him hot glares. The smirk on her face was gone instantly.

"They come in sometimes. Just customers that like orange juice and omelette rice. You suspect them for some great case you're working on for the FBI?" Her voice was now almost vindictive.

"What? No, I was just wondering... they seem.. a bit..."

"Miya-chan~ Come talk with us, too~" Her eyes flashed and she tapped the table as she drew back.

"Enjoy your food, okyeku-san." Shinichi held his retort, watching with mounting anger as she went back over to the table. What right did they have to harass her like that? Right about the time he was going to talk himself down and have a bite of his cake, one of the guys touched her wrist.

Splitting pain went through his hand as instead of putting the fork into the cake, he stabbed himself accidentally. The fork clattered onto the table with little attention from Shinichi. For him, it was as though time stopped. He could barely see her expression, but she froze. They probably had no idea how hurt it had been, considering she wasn't wearing a wrap or a brace on it, but it had to still be tender in the least. And who thought it was okay to touch someone they hardly know, anyway?

He caught the traces of her strained voice saying something to the effect of "if you'll excuse me", but somewhere this kid got some guts and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

That was it.

The table rattled as Shinichi stood abruptly and began a very short trip to their table.

"Miya-chan, will you take a picture with us?" Miyano's face was struggling to stay in it's so-common cool control.

"I'm sorry, I have other guests to attend to." She said, her voice getting quieter. The submissiveness of her voice gave the otakus some more boldness. They pulled on her wrist. She winced. And that's about the point Shinichi made it to the table, his face twisted in inexplicable anger.

* * *

Shiho felt a panic begin to consume her the moment the man touched her wrist. She fought the urge to flinch and did her best to resolve the situation by politely excusing herself. But then he grabbed her wrist. Her teeth clenched and she attempted to maintain her cool, despite very vivid memories flooded through her mind of how her wrist was broken.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered a loud sound come from where Kudo-kun had been sitting, but the pressure of this situation wouldn't allow her to think on it much.

"Miya-chan, will you take a picture with us?" Shiho hated being called by a pet name. She hardly knew them. It was demeaning and it could only make her think of things she'd thought she'd locked away to never remember again. She began to feel herself falter, a sudden fear gripping her as if Gin himself was sitting there, demanding her obedience.

"I'm sorry, I have other guests to attend to." She managed, her voice betraying the weakness she felt. What was wrong with her? They tugged on her wrist and Shiho winced. Clarity came back to her thanks to an image appearing in her peripheral vision. Kudo Shinichi's face was scarier than she'd ever seen it before, his mouth moving, but the words something she was unable to perceive. His arm was drawn back and she knew he was about to hit someone.

And that would be very bad for the Detective of the East. So she punched him. It was a weak punch by her standards, but it served its purpose. Shinichi stumbled back slightly, his eyes wide. He seemed to be snapped out of whatever rage he had been in as well, but confusion was evident in his blue eyes. Thankfully the man let go of her wrist in all the chaos.

"What..." Shinichi managed, heaving big breaths to calm down. Everything seemed distant after that. The whining of her otaku customers, the surprised words of her coworkers. The chewing out her manager began in the dining area and finished in the back by firing her for hitting a customer. It was like she was walking in a dream, one that was just barely shutting out the nightmare right beyond it. As she walked outside, she felt exhaustion wash over her.

She had taken the job to not be such a burden in her last days on earth. Plus, Kudo-kun seemed suspicious, and most people who were certain about their death wouldn't go off getting a new job, right? Probably not. Especially not her. Shiho couldn't have him sticking his nose into it, or she'd cave and tell him. She just knew it. She was even weaker than before, even more of a coward.

_"Sherry." Gin pulled her rather forcefully into an embrace, where he began to play with her hair. She had given up fighting against him by now. When he was drunk, fighting back no longer amused him and he was no stranger to murder. She'd learned that lesson quickly. His arms felt like they were going to crush her bones, but she made no sound. Any protest, any sound, could trigger him into a violent rage. "Why don't you love me?" The question came unexpectedly, and Sherry flinched. Love? _

_ When she was younger, she had been deceived. She bought into the idea that this was her life. She did stupid things, things that earned her nods of approval from her co-workers. She was no longer a pure person, not that she'd ever imagined herself one. Sherry had found herself a close partner in Gin. He was ruthless and sometimes a bit crazy. But he was so intelligent, so calculating. His jobs were always done right, he did everything with amazing accuracy. Someone who thought in the way she would. But she never thought he'd get to know her just to be able to use that knowledge against her. She should've seen it coming._

_ He learned how she thought, what she cared about, what interested her, how she reacted to things. Now he would throw it in her face to manipulate her on his whim. _

_ It wasn't the first time Gin had mentioned love. But it had been a long time, a feeling that he apparently longed for from her. How could he expect such a thing? Maybe at one time... she would've. Anyone who tried to break her down would not earn such a precious emotion. Would not receive such a special place in her heart. No._

_ Her lack of response was apparently not what he wanted, and he jerked her by her shoulders, bringing her face into view. The smell of alcohol was heavy, mixing with the constant odor of smoke from his breath. His eyes were bloodshot, and his lips twisted into a snarl._

_ "Why don't you answer me?" Sherry's lips trembled, but no sound came. No words to pacify him. No lies, not even the truth. Nothing. His fist made contact with her face, causing her to hit the ground with terrifying force. Now his foot, as he kicked her in the stomach. When she curled into herself, he kicked at her legs, her side. He began spewing nonsense words mixed with cussing, all a jumbled mess of his knowledge of different languages. Finally, he grabbed her arm to pull her up again..._

Feeling a hand grasp her arm, Shiho swung wildly, being pulled directly from her memory.

"Don't touch me!" She shrieked, a sound that she would rather not admit to being able to make. With wide-eyed fear, she took in the world around her. The real, existing world of now. She was still standing just outside the back exit of the cafe, trash bags to her left. She locked eyes with the person who had touched her. Shame immediately came over her. She hated him seeing her weak.

Kudo-kun's deep blue eyes showed his concern, but he was now a few steps away, probably trying to avoid whatever crazy attack she might try to unleash on him. After a moment of silence, he spoke.

"Let's go home." Shiho nodded slightly, readjusting the strap of the bag slung over her shoulder containing her work clothes that she no longer had much use for. He led the way throw the back alley, and she followed a few steps behind.

Night had already fallen, the stars barely visible in the sky. The colors from the sun were almost completely faded away. For Shiho, the setting was not peaceful, but foreboding. The sun would slip away and then night would reign...

Shinichi stole glances at Miyano as they walked, his concern growing. He was thankful for her early intervention now that he had time to think about it. At first, he was angry that she would stop him in defense for those creeps, but it was clear now that she was only protecting him. They probably would've filed charges. It just wasn't fair that she would take that kind of thing from strangers. She was clearly at her limit and those jerks were just selfishly indulging themselves. It aggravated him that anyone would see someone as intelligent and capable as Miyano and only look at her body. He supposed he never thought of that problem before, since she'd always looked like a child.

It wasn't long before they reached the professor's house, and instead of leaving her there, he walked in first, announced his arrival, and waited for her to switch out her shoes. There was no reply from the professor. The house was dark and empty. Something he used to loathe. He turned toward her after she had changed to slippers and dropped her bag at the entrance.

"Come on." He said softly, taking her hand gently. He passed the light switch on the wall without switching it on. The moon offered a soft light over the living room, but the darkness made Shiho feel more at ease. It felt like he couldn't see her face, her emotions. It felt easier to just follow along with what he was doing. They sat on the couch. Her attitude she often clung to was somewhere afar off. He'd seen it. It wasn't like pretending was going to deflect him this time. She was too tired, anyway. She hadn't slept in three days other than a nap she took unwillingly at her desk downstairs.

"What happened?" He asked softly, his fingers still wrapped around her hand. She looked away. She couldn't keep denying him answers. But she couldn't tell him. He'd do something stupid. Then he would be killed. Mouri-san, too. She took in a long breath, the memories coming back once again.

"I was dead. I'm fairly sure. Then I woke up in a hospital. They asked me questions and held me for a long time to make sure I was alright. I ran into... a thug on my walk." Shinichi gave a soft grunt of disapproval for her lack of details.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" Shiho sighed. Was she really that obvious?

"Sometimes it's hard to sleep. Nightmares and the such." She shrugged, trying to keep this talk from getting too intrusive.

"Nightmares?" His words hung in the air, Shiho not responding. He squeezed her hand gently, taking in a deep breath. The question he'd always wanted to ask but never had the courage to hung on his lips.

"Gin... why were you so afraid of him? Why did he call you those things?" Shinichi searched what he could see of her face, feeling nervous about how she might react. He had a bad feeling he already knew about Gin and her's relationship. He could barely make out the way she bit her lip before opening her mouth. Then closing it. One more try and she finally spoke.

"He... I guess you could say we had a relationship at one time. He just went too far. All the time. He became obsessed." Shinichi frowned at the half-smirk that she managed to put on her face. "With killing me. Or at least breaking me down. I guess he craved my independent being, and when I couldn't love him..." Shinichi felt her shudder next to him. It shocked him to hear it from her own mouth. To catch sight of the tear glistening on her cheek. He put an arm around her in an attempt to comfort her. She stiffened for a moment, but slowly relaxed.

"At least he's gone now. He can't hurt you anymore." Shinichi whispered softly. But instead of helping, the comment seemed to hurt her. She suddenly pushed away, her face darkened. Terror had suddenly come over her, and she stumbled to her feet, backing away toward her room. Shinichi stood, following her, his confusion evident.

"What's wrong?" He watched as she clutched her own arm. He was fairly certain she was going into a panic attack the way her breathing picked up and her hands began to shake.

"What if he's not gone?" Shinichi frowned.

"But he died. We both saw..." His words trailed off. _She_ had died. He had seen it. And here she was before him. He felt a bit of his own panic rest inside. Panicking with her was a bad idea, because she clearly had seen him come to the same conclusion and she cried out, right before trying to go toward the stairs. But instead he watched her form fall down, and heard as her body rolled down the stairs.

"Miyano!" He called, running down the steps to join her mid-way, where the stairs curved. She was no longer conscious. Shinichi slid his hands beneath her and picked her up, taking her to her bedroom. He wasn't sure when she last slept, but all this stress about worrying if Gin was alive to come kill her and everyone else along with whatever else he wouldn't tell her on top of not sleeping was going to make her insane. Shinichi gently placed her on her bed. He pulled a blanket over her, resting it at her shoulders.

Miyano's face was tear-stained, but otherwise peaceful in it's unconscious state. He brushed his fingers across her face.

"Sleep well, Miyano. I'll protect you. This time, I promise."

* * *

Ten pages! Just for you all :) I'll try to lay off the Shiho outward emotion for a bit after this, I know it might be getting a bit much ^^;;

Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. Obvious, no?

**Marutaro – **Yay! I'm super happy you liked that :D And yeah, Shiho has a high standard for fashion considering her cooperation has been bought with extremely expensive high-fashion bags and at one point she harbored a grudge toward a possible suspect because she had something (I think it was some clothing, I just don't remember what exactly) that wasn't even available in Japan yet XDD You did? Cool :D I'm glad you liked it XD It just kinda popped in my head so I wrote it -shrugs- What are your thoughts here?

**Guest** – Yes, the jealousy XD Took a bit of a break from that aspect here.. thoughts?

**Crystal Snowflakes** – XD I'm about to give him a better reason~ But he's starting.. -evil laughter- -cough- So what do you think about this one?

**Runa – **Because she's adorable~ LOL I try not to write Ran in a terrible light, but I feel like she'd be very unhappy about the idea of her crush being all buddy-buddy with the person who kinda ruined her peaceful, happy life with Shinichi XD Here's a Shinichi-Shiho only chapter, no Ran in the scene there XP

**Haibara Ai z – **Yay~~ And I'm glad you think so.. I'm a tad bit worried about this one about realistic-ness, but I'm using sleep deprivation and PTSD-ish-ness as my excuse :D

Hey, there's a poll on my profile you all should vote on :D See you next chapter~


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